I’m at the store working with my cousin G. A tall guy walks in and start arguing with G., so I take him to the side trying to calm him down. He’s truly massive, I’m barely taller than his elbow, and his arms are bigger than a tree trunk. He’s very young though, his face looks dopey and lost. I ask him gently if he’d like to do something with his life and come work with us at the store. He says he’ll think about it.

It’s getting late and I want to go home for the night, but our boss shows up and recruits us for one last mission: turns out our store offers ninja services too! Cousin G., Boss Lady and I, dressed in black to hide in the darkness, start climbing a glass skyscraper. The two of them are very agile and I feel incompetent. A group of enemy ninjas attacks us and we fend them off with big plastic weapons.

We finally reach the top of the building and now it’s time to sneak inside the penthouse, where a big party is happening. I fill my backpack with junk food, potato chips, soda cants etc., so if I get caught I can say I was just stealing party food instead of something much more important.

The man we are looking for, a tux-wearing, Bond-esque villain, escapes on his expensive car, we chase him up the mountains. The road is curvy and snowy and I’m surprised I don’t get car sick. We reach a mountain lodge where we quickly kidnap the villain’s wife. Fjord from Critical Role joins us, he tricks the man into drinking wine spiked with tranquilizer, and we kidnap him as well. Unfortunately he’s a charming villain and our group of ninjas is soon suffering from Stockholm syndrome. Not long after, all the girls in the group are getting mani-pedis from him.