I’m in a hotel bathroom taking out my contacts at the sink, they are green and gross but I get a weird pleasure from wiping them out.

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My mother has bought me a cell phone, it’s red, vaguely horse shaped, and has a black and white LCD screen. In other words, it’s crappy and I’m a bit angry at her for wasting money on it.

They said it was a good phone on TV!

she explains, mortified.

Playing around with it I find a cool retro Sims game (with girls kissing!) and also a pretty impressive 8000 mAh battery. Now I kinda want the phone for myself but mom has promised it to my sister instead. I’ll have to apologize to her, won’t I?