I dream that I’m having a fight with my sister. You know I have trouble sleeping, I say. You know my anxiety spikes and I get heart palpitations when you don’t come back at night. Couldn’t you at least tell me if you’re gonna be late or early? Just that, I don’t want an exact time.
I will never tell you, my sister says. What I do is none of your business.
I dream that I’m downtown, it’s dark and pouring rain. I have my camera and I want to go to the store to buy film, but my dad is there and he’s afraid that we’re gonna miss our boat. I’m wearing just one shoe and no mask, but I follow him anyway. On the way I pick a mask from the ground and put it on, then I realize how disgusting that is and drop it again.
We get to a small pier where the boat, a white steam engine, is waiting for us. Now It’s sunny and the sky is blue. I ask where mom is, dad says forget her, she’s dead. Still I don’t want to leave her behind, so I jump back to the past. I find her sitting on a bench downtown, she gives me a big smile, she must have been waiting so long. Shall we go shopping? I say. I go to the photo store, but we’re in the past now and there’s only early 20th century cameras.
I dream that dad wakes up my siblings and I in the middle of the night. It’s Christmas, he says, and we’re gonna travel with our magical house. I look out of the window and everything is perfectly still. It only looks like we’re still, dad explains, because we’re traveling through a different dimension. Mom is asleep, she wakes up just in time as we land on a sunny beach. My cat, who never saw a beach, jumps out the balcony to play in the sand.
I just saw a bunch of little scenes with no narrative continuity.
I dream that I’m meeting with my high school best friend, M. I’m proud to show her how much of a grownup I am, I even pay for our Uber. I used to have a job this summer, I tell her. We stop at the department store, there’s a crowd in front of the entrance, nobody is wearing a mask which makes me a little nervous. We sneak inside and see a bunch of elegant people sitting at round tables. We’re embarrassed to realize we’ve crashed a wedding reception. Who gets married inside a department store anyway?
I dream that I’m with friends at the mountain house, feeling guilty because we’re supposed to be in lockdown. We play in the grass and I take pictures of flowers, then we go to a birthday party downtown, in a huge building that looks like a museum. The police catches us at the door. Inside the museum there’s a CW Supergirl episode happening, everyone gets superpowers (didn’t they already have powers before…?).
My friends and I are now walking down the street wearing white, yellow and orange leotards. We arrive to school, but we’re new and there are too many stairs. My friends tentatively climb a spiral staircase in the middle of a round classroom. I consider my options and go for the stairs in the back.
(I kept waking up so I don’t remember many details, just a feeling of anxiety, it was… grainy, like old film.
I dream that my sister is teaching Gran about art history with very poor results. Why is everyone is this family so DUMB?! She cries. I’m sitting at their table making Gran tennis shoes from scratch; I use a yellow t-shirt that belonged to my uncle, he’s not happy about it and demands I make another, identical, one. I panic because I only vaguely remember what the t-shirt looked like, there was a face with bags under their eyes. I draw a tired yellow emoji in MS paint and print it on a fresh shirt.
I dream that I join the Marines and they give me a jacket with embroided my name and rank. I sleep in an underground dormitory. I go back home from dinner, and there’s a newborn baby.
Then I dream about a little boy (the same?) that wants to be a girl.
I dream that I’m back at work, and both Boss Lady and my cousin are already pissed at me for being slow and overwhelmed. My anxiety rise and rise right to the point I decide to quit, and then a beautiful sense of calm and peace takes over me. Boss Lady is furious. You’re throwing away your life, she says. Look at me, I own a house!
And I saw a beautiful sunset yesterday, I say with a big smile, knowing that there’s something better than money out there. I get up and leave.
Then I dream that I’m going to see a vet about my cat’s gastritis. I travel to a beautiful countryside building that is some sort of university. The doctor is a middle aged woman with short auburn hair, I give her a surprisingly accurate recap of my cat’s issues, she gives me “pills” that look like bulbous roots.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 