(I’m rolling around unpleasantly in my dreams, until I realize I can just wake up, and so I do.)
Tag: anxiety
Conspiracy Theories
I dream that I’m going grocery shopping with my cousin; we pick the usual supermarket, always the same one. We get bread, squid, beef. The police is waiting for us outside, I wear my Falcon wings (yes, the Marvel one) and fly away. I get home and find out my mom has been arrested; my dad and brother are waiting for me in the living room, they explain that the country is now under a dictatorship and we’ve lost our freedom of speech. How long have I been out, I wonder. And also, is the police listening to us through our phones? Dad gives me a green glowy sticker, he’s acting like it’s very important. I stick it to my mug and drink some tea; I’m now transported into a magical dream world where I can talk to my mom. I’m a small boy and she is Princess Leia.
The House Is Ours And She Can’t Sell It, Phew
I dream that Gran has been convinced by my aunt and uncle to sell them the house; they are selfish, greedy people and they will kick us out for sure. I yell at Gran that I never want to see her again, that she’s dead to me. She’s so old and fragile, bit I don’t feel bad one bit.
Then I dream I attend a survival course where the instructor is an abusive d***head. I’m not a child anymore and I won’t let him treat me like this, I face him and get kicked out of the course.
The Ceremony Made Me Cry BTW
I dream that I walk into the living room and find my family decorating the Christmas tree. I’m sure it’s summer so I must be dreaming. I start to panic because if I’m asleep I’ll miss the Olympics opening ceremony, and I won’t be able to go to the pharmacy either. I decide to jump out the window, hoping the shock will wake me up. It’s night outside, and I land on a layer of snow; I don’t feel cold at all though, I don’t feel anything. People are pointing and laughing at me from windows and balconies. I spot a man holding a rifle and beg him to shoot me. He fires three times, I don’t know if I’m hit because I still can’t feel anything. I wander into the streets and grab people by the shoulders, begging them to wake me up because I need to go to the pharmacy. They ignore me.
It takes several tries of waking up in my bed only to realize it’s not real, but I finally make it out.
Anxiety Really Does Feel Like You Can’t Breathe
I’m about to wake up, worrying I don’t have any dream to write down. I can feel my blanket covering my face, I open my eyes and can only see a close up of the fabric with red light filtering through it. I feel like I can’t breathe and that’s silly, because it’s summer and I sleep with no blanket at all.
Now I’m in my mom’s bed, I can hear her talking from the living room, but when I turn she’s there on the other side of the bed. “How can you be in two places at once?!” I ask. She silently rolls over and smothers me (my mom’s quite fat.)
Now I’m back in my own bed, I can see my sister sitting on the floor, giggling. Is she really back, or am I still dreaming? I poke her with my foot. She’s still giggling. I’m still not sure, but I kick her for good measure.
One part of my brain is taking notes to write this all down on my dream blog. Actress Katy Manning is narrating my thoughts; she’s walking down a beach wearing a big red flamenco dress. it’s night and the sky is covered with a myriad of starts, and the Aurora Borealis too,
When I wake up for real it takes a few minutes to convince myself I’m not still dreaming.
Why Are My Dream Showers Always Open To All
I dream that I’m taking a shower after work, it’s locate in the large entrance hall of a residential building. I can see a guy, around 30, working in a greenhouse outside. I’m afraid he’s gonna walk in so I shower in my bra. He indeed comes in and he’s angry, demands to know who I am. I sheepishly explain I clean the house of a lady who lives in the building, and she told me I could use the shower. More and more people arrive, they are all outraged because the lady lied and doesn’t live here and I have no right to use their shower. My Gran has to come in to rescue me.
Then I dream that there are fireworks outside so I run to grab my camera. I try to screw in my favorite lens but it’s full of sand, I shake it and more and more sand falls down; I’m distressed, how could this happen, is this a prank? I look down at the camera sensor and it’s so dirty, I try to clean it up and it breaks in a thousand glass pieces. I’m crying and shaking at this point, I feel so sick I wake up and feel the instant relief of knowing my camera is okay.
So Uneasy
I dream that I’m watching a Sailor Moon episode that turns into a horror show about a painting that is beautiful if you have a pure soul, and show inexplicable horrors if you are a sinner. A taxi driver goes back to work after seeing the painting, a tall monster in a trench and bowler hat sits in the back of his taxi. “I’m going to hell,” says the monster. “That’s fine,” says the man, “I’m already there.”
Then I dream about punching my brother in the face, and it was well deserved.
I Just Need Love And Reassurance Maybe
I dream that it’s the last week of school and I’m planning to skip my finals. Again. (I’m fascinated at this point, nothing like this ever happened during my actual high school finals, so it’s obviously a manifestation of guilt and anxiety, maybe because I dropped out of college? But then why HS?) I also dream about a wonderfully round lady teacher hugging me and I’m just leaning into it because “I’ll take my affection where I can get it”.
My Mind Either Goes To Family Anxiety, Crowd Anxiety or Photographer Anxiety
I dream that we have a new house, an apartment above a bakery. I share a room with my little brother, and one day I find all of his friends inside it, dancing and playing and chilling on my bed. I’m very upset and yell at them to get out, I look completely mad. My brother is mad at me. He has me sit on a chair in front of him, grabs my hands and explains that he’s a YouTuber. Then we turn into the Olsen twins.
I wake up and when I fall asleep again I dream that I visit a camera store in town. I want to know if they have a vise to repair my dented lens, but a crowd of people walks in behind me and everybody is talking together and I’m getting anxious. The store owner has white hair and a sleazy smile, I don’t like him at all but I see he sells film rolls too, so I’ll have to buy from him after all.
Here We Go Again.
(I have an important appointment today so of course I had a series of nested dreams where I woke up and tried getting ready only to fail miserably.)
It starts always the same way, I get up and go take a shower. Then I accidentally flood the bathroom, or panic because I’ve overslept and it’s only ten minutes until my appointment. One time my sister asks her friends to barricade themselves inside the bathroom just to spite me and they all smell and have greasy white people dreads. Another time there’s a dozen workers dressed in bright orange, staring at me from the bathroom window. A couple of times I just fly away and start having sex with people on the streets, because that’s what I do when I’m lucid dreaming.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 