I dream that it’s Christmas and I want to buy myself a Barbie. I go to the supermarket where a salesgirl tries to convince me to buy a printer instead. She says,
In these uncertain times we need more words!
I think I can write I better catchphrase than that.
Then I dream that my dad is watching a horror movie, the killer’s victims are turned into squirrels and pigs. I go to bed and the next morning he’s still there, watching. He looks terrified.
I dream that it’s raining and I’m looking transfixed at a toy store window. On display there is a secondhand Skipper doll, just like the one I had as a child. I walk inside and ask how much she is, the owner says 45 bucks. I buy her. The owner leads me to a basement where he’s keeping a dozens vintage porcelain dolls. I think I recognize some of them, as if they were mine in a past life. I tell the owner about how my father maliciously decapitated my old Skipper (this happened IRL). Moved, he takes a tiny paintbrush to add some details to the new one, make her extra special for me.
Then I dream that my siblings and I are children again and we are moving to a new house. We decide who gets which room, we sell all our plants. We dismantle the old kitchen. Deep down I’m sad to leave the old house and I know I will miss the local stray cats. I’m relieved when I wake up and realize I’m not moving after all.
We find a bunch of children’s toys hidden in a closet in hour home, they are all still packaged and rather old, hidden there since the 70s. They are all strange and ugly, there is a naked Barbie with a giant stomach: when you open it, a little blonde doll with pigtails pops out.
A neighbor gave the toys to my mom to hide until Christmas, but she died shortly after and the toys were long forgotten. We decide now we’re gonna wrap them up for that neighbor’s children.
One of her children sits next to me at school, it’s the pudgy blond boy. I show him the presents and say they are for him and his siblings. What would he like, I ask, maybe colored pencils would be useful?
He asks what I’m gonna give to his older, already adult brother, I say I’ll give the toys to his toddler son instead. He thinks for a moment and say,
The toddler is also my mother’s child, but we will never tell him.
I am housekeeping for Gran and her boyfriend. When they come back they turn the place into a pizza restaurant.
I’m in a virtual world, I dig and dig into the sand until I find a layer of rocks and then a layer of metal. Even if the place isn’t real, I dig so much my hands are bleeding.
I’m in my childhood bedroom with my brother. There’s a closet full of toys we can buy, mostly Barbie’s accessories. We are not interested in any of them, so we pack up to go back home.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 