(I’ve been taking a break cause I haven’t slept well in days and I can’t remember if I dreamed about anything at all. But I got something from tonight.)
I dream I’m at a stationary store –one that has been closed for a decade IRL– buying a pen drive. The first one they show me is pink, I ask for another one. The second pen drive is green and comes with a shoulder bag, useful for carrying cookies.
Meanwhile more and more people enter the store, I feel sandwiched against the counter. I tell an old lady to back off, I’m very rude but I feel like she was rude to me first. A commotion outside, people are screaming. A biker has fallen on his head, he’s bleeding profusely. We look for bandages in the store, there’s nothing.
I dream that I’m walking home from the beach. I stop to take a picture of the mountains on the opposite side, the sun lighting them nicely, when an explosion covers the entire frame: they’re filming a movie and the director tells me to beat it, he’s very rude and unprofessional. Not knowing what to do, I go back to the beach. The sun is setting and I try to take another photo, once again a black cloud covers everything. This time it’s a baby twister running towards me as I’m just about to cross a wooden bridge. I do so gingerly.
I finally get home, where I find out my brother has bought himself a new camera. I’m really upset because every time I want something he buys it instead. I jump on him and start punching his face. Everybody is upset, Gran is crying. I say I don’t care because he hasn’t talked to me in 6 years. He’s bleeding and refusing to look at me.
I dream that I’m with a friend trying on clothes in a store. A man with a gun comes in, starts shooting. My friend shoves me inside a dressing rooms, tells me to hide. She is shot and killed, the right side of her face is caked in blood. I cower on the dressing room floor, I know the man is looking for me, but somehow he doesn’t spot me.
I dream that my cat is with me under the bed sheets. I realize there’s also a broken glass under the sheets, I yell and shove her out, but I’m not quick enough and her paws are now bleeding and full of glass shards. I start to delicately remove them with my thumb and index finger, her meows sound like long and pathetic howls, like she’s in unbearable pain.
I dream that I’m in my bed, thinking about skipping school today, that’s gonna be fine. Then I remember that I’m an adult with a job. I slowly get up and I still don’t want to go. It’s raining outside.
My aunt, the racist lawyer, and her sister show up. I don’t want to see them, I try to jump off the balcony but that doesn’t work. I hide under my mother’s bed instead. My aunt bends down and finds me. I stab her, and stab and stab and stab. She is still alive, still smiling at me.
I dream that my mother and I are taking part in a horror tour. It’s night when our bus arrives at a haunted old mansion, we get inside along with all the other guests, cheering and laughing.
The mansion is haunted alright, but I soon figure out the ghosts and other scary presences (mostly dead girls, pale, bleeding) cannot be touched and can’t harm us in any way. I feel relieved, amused, even. There’s something else about the house though, something odd: it seems to be able to read our minds. I can think about anything I want, anything at all, and the house makes it happen.
I want to buy a souvenir. I see a dish set hanging from the wall, beautiful golden and white plates. As soon as I think it the set flies into my arms and the money leaves my bank account, just like magic. I ask for the check and it’s projected directly into my brain. I say out loud I’d rather have a paper copy and a young maid brings it to me. She says,
Thank you, these numbers will help me win the lottery, back in 2005.
I go back to the bus and realize my mother is nowhere to be found. As I’m starting to worry she finally runs out from the main door, looking frantic, screaming, her face contorted with fear. A waiter is following her, his white shirt covered in yellow puke. I have a moment of terrifying realization: this cannot be my mother. She would never act like this. This is a ghost trying to escape, and my real mother is still trapped inside.
Everybody begs me to stop, but I’m already running back. The doors close behind me, the tour bus leaves, and with a shiver I realize I’m the one being trapped here. Just like the house wanted.
I wake up and fall back to sleep. Now I’m at home, waiting for the police to arrive. A man with round glasses has showed me the future, I know I’m wanted, I know the police will seize all my favorite pens (I hide them, just in case), and I know that my mother will be arrested as well.
I see a police car and a van arriving and parking outside. As I open the door I tell my parents to stay calm: surely it’s all a mistake, if we explain ourselves we can avoid any trouble. I open the door and dozens upon dozens of officers pour in. Most of them go directly to my bedroom (my poor pens!) but their chief stays to interrogate me. She’s a blonde woman, tall, extremely beautiful but there’s something cold in her eyes, something not human. I realize in a moment she’s one of the ghosts from the hunted house, and she wants to steal my body and give it to one of her ghosts friends.
Years later I get out of prison. The beautiful blonde chief is waiting for me and we kiss passionately. Am I still me? Am I a ghost? I cannot tell. Flash forward a few more years, I’m on boat on a stormy ocean. The boat sinks and I wash ashore on a beautiful island. I lost my memory.
I dream that I’m looking into colleges for when I finish high school. At the same time I’m also my current adult self, so I end up choosing a psychology degree, because it’ll help with my retail job, somehow?? I guess customers do be crazy.
At the same time I’m looking into buying a car, I select an old gray Citroën, extremely boring but it somehow only costs 400 bucks. I can’t even drive but that’s not gonna stop me! I lie in the back seat and smile and smile.
I go home and I find a dozen cats, most of them black. My own cat is conspicuously missing. All the cats are wearing circus clothes. I go fill the bathtub (it’s plastic, transparent blue), they all follow me and jump in the water. I start brushing them with soap and they all look very satisfied, like they’ve been trained for this. There is a white cat with a bleeding injury on her shoulder, and a gray tabby with his legs missing. There also a talking toy astronaut.
Afterward I’m walking home from school and decide to visit the local catholic church. I haven’t been inside the building in years and I don’t like religious institutions on principle, but here I go, and the church is packed so I have to sit on the marble steps.
A bearded man stood up and is now giving a speech a few seats from me. Another guy (I recognize him, it’s a local politician) attacks him, a fist fight ensues.I’m enjoying this more than I can say, these religious types and their hypocrisy! The politician notices I’m chuckling ant attacks me too, scratches my face. I say I’m just an innocent schoolgirl! I’m not though, I’m in my 30s, there’s blood pouring down my face and I’m still laughing.
I’m in my parking lot, from the fence I can see the nearby public park. There is a baby fox half hidden in the grass, looking at me with big eyes. I stop to take a picture of it, and I see two teens threatening a child with a metal baseball bat. One of them sees the baby fox and tries to pick it up, the mother (that happens to be a full grown, angry tiger) jumps on them; I hear blood-chilling screams and I see limbs being teared off, I’m so terrified that I run home.
I make sure that my cat is safe, then I go see my neighbor. The little boy from the park is there, the back of his head is missing and my neighbor is carefully bandaging it. I ask if he’s gonna be okay, she says,
“No, he’s gonna die tomorrow, but at least he’s not gonna expect it.”
She then tells me to call the police and explain what happen, I take my phone but someone stops my hand: he’s one of the teens, he has a blond mullet and one arm is missing. He tells me he’s a time traveler on a mission, I need to trust him and not tell anyone about his secret.
I’m filming a reality show with my dad. Our team is behind, we need to complete a recipe before we can be moved to the next location, a beautiful European beach city. I’m supposed to make rice pancakes, but there is cat identical to mine chilling in my bowl! I shoo him off, then painstakingly clean all the cat hair from the white dough. I’m all alone because dad is off driving my aunt home, but finally I make my pancakes.
I’m took not to the beach, but to a gray winter city. I’m not wearing a mask and feeling guilty about it, the production team gives me a dark brown one made of fabric. I get lost and end up in a pharmacy, the girl at the counter is pretty and I start flirting. I say I need to make a deposit and get from my bag an envelope filled to the brim with money. The girl’s eyes get enormous.
(I forgot to post my notes yesterday but here’s April 25th entry)
I’m watching Steven Universe, now it’s a Disney Peter Pan sequel, it has beautiful songs. Peter has a new origin story, he was a Greek child who drowned thousands of years ago, and the Powers that Be want to drown every lost boy on the island to make them go home.
The oldest boy, who’s a world-hardened rebel, locks himself up in a shed. Emma Pillsbury is also there, she tries to talk him out if it, but he grabs a rusty saw and cuts off his fingers, one by one. Then his whole hand, then the other. I have to look away. Ms. Pillsbury grabs Fairy Grandmother’s wand and magics the two of them out.
The boy without hands learns that he’s been on Neverland for centuries and his family is gone by now. He is transported back to London, to a dreary little funeral in a dark day. Only a little girl notices him standing between the tombstones. He can see all the ghosts and cuddles with them.
I’m on the balcony and I notice my cat inside another building. I call her and she jumps out of a window, bounces on the ground like a rubber ball and with a supernatural jump lands in my arms.
I run to my mother to tell her, she’s not impressed. We go out, I walk in the middle of the road because I’m afraid of dogs barking from behind their gates. We reach a street market that only sells food because everything else is forbidden during lockdown, I see an old lady that from behind looks exactly like my late Grandma G.: I touch her shoulder, she turns around and she has a big nose and pointy yellow teeth.
I am housekeeping for Gran and her boyfriend. When they come back they turn the place into a pizza restaurant.
I’m in a virtual world, I dig and dig into the sand until I find a layer of rocks and then a layer of metal. Even if the place isn’t real, I dig so much my hands are bleeding.
I’m in my childhood bedroom with my brother. There’s a closet full of toys we can buy, mostly Barbie’s accessories. We are not interested in any of them, so we pack up to go back home.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 