I dream that I’m once again frustrated about all the supermarkets in my area being the same kind. I go inside one, eat a bun, feel guilty, confess and pay for it.
I go home and say hello to my sister that is coming down the stairs. Except that my sister is also inside, sitting on the couch. Who was that I saw on the stairs?
I go to the mall, there is a giant dead person set up like a statue, you can climb up some stairs to a pair of binoculars on the back of their head and see through their eyes.
Now my family is running down a set of stairs, my gran is on the lead; we’re escaping from a supervillain. We reach the basement and it’s not empty like we hoped, but elegantly furnished. Gran pushes open the door to a bedroom and an alarm blares.
The supervillain catches me. He’s a shape-shifting cyborg. A group of heroes flies in to fight him, they are about to finish him.
I wake up, thinking it’s very unfair I didn’t get to watch him die.
I’m traveling on a cruise spaceship. A woman asks me why I’m not wearing a jacket – I think she’s supposed to be my grandmother, but she isn’t really. I tell her I’m not cold. It’s really cold in the ship and I’m clearly lying.
We arrive to a planet, start orbiting around it. An alien robot knocks on our glass door: he looks like something out of Futurama, tall and metallic, with a goatee that make him look like the devil, and four arms. The first thing he does inside our spaceship is turning the AC off, because it’s so cold. He tells me he used to pretend to be human, but has learned to accept himself. Then he goes back home, sits at his pipe organ and plays an evil song, which I think sounds very familiar.
Steven Universe exits the spaceship, and now my sister and I are watching him on TV. The planet’s ground is reddish brown, and the sky is purple. He buries some seeds: we know they are supposed to show his true love. A ghost-like projection of Connie Maheswaran emerges from the ground, and the real Connie looks at it confused. Steven blushes and runs away.
My dad is driving me to school. From the car window I see three people walking near the local park, two old classmates, both short with glasses, followed by Nicole Maines. I tell dad Nicole is a new student at my school.
I need to pass an entrance exam to start the new year: it’s a cooking exam, the teachers/judges are two Asian women. One is very nice, the other is extremely mean and keeps telling us we’re gonna fail.
I prepare two sandwiches, I put eggs, salad, shrimp and tomatoes inside. I find a shrimp oil bottle; it tastes rather strong, but just a few drops should be enough to give my sandwiches the right kick. The mean teacher notices this and tells me I’ve made the wrong choice and already sealed my fate. The girl sitting next to me smiles sympathetically; she is steaming something in a pressure pot and looks very flushed.
I bring my sandwiches to the judges, making sure to put the best looking one on the mean lady’s side. She immediately swaps it and takes the ugly sandwich. As she eats it, I realize with horror I forgot to put eggs in it, and indeed she gleefully tells me how bad it tastes. At least the other teacher seems to really like hers.
I’m in my house, but I’m also participating in The Great British Bake Off. It’s the finale, and the two other contestants are Liam O’Brien and Taliesin Jaffe; our assignment for the final round is “butter” and we rush into the kitchen –that is, my own house’s kitchen.
Taliesin definitely knows what he’s doing. I cut open a bread roll and start buttering it, making quite a mess; next to me Liam has dipped in oil a bruschetta and is now frying it on a pan, damnit, he’s gonna beat me at my own bread game! I fill my bun with soft goat cheese, because it’s white like butter, I guess. It’s still too plain and I’m starting to panic. What can I add, what can I add!? I remember I have some trail mix in the pantry and toss it in my bun, mixing it with the soft cheese. I add some sugar on top and slam it in the electric oven next to Liam’s bruschetta.
It’s now time for the judges to try out dishes. The three of us are sitting on bar stools in my living room, a screen behind us is showing our journey through the show. When it’s my turn the screen shows a young Asian woman dressed in a Brazilian outfit, dancing with a group of men in shiny jumpsuits. Wait, was I competing in Dancing with the Stars??
I know my dish is no good and Taliesin is gonna win, and indeed Paul Hollywood is very brutal when he tries it. The other judge, an unnamed lady, is kinder. I’m so disappointed I start stress-eating my buns and Liam’s dish, which tastes like cream and honey cookies. Mine is slightly better, I think, but not enough. As I shovel both the cookies and the buns down my throat, my mom, who in this dream is Angela Bassett, looks at me from the couch and shakes her head in disappointment. I know, I know, I’m gonna get so fat.
My sister is being insufferable as always, to shut her up I turn her into a cat. And not just any cat, but my very own black, grumpy kitten. I put this creature that is both my sister and my cat in her carrier (she bites me through the bars) and bring her to the vet.
I meet my friend F. there, he tells me it’s not much, but he put some free menstrual pads aside for me. I thank him warmly. As I’m sitting in the waiting room though, two men steal my pads. I confront them with all my wit and sarcasm and humiliate them into giving my pads back.
My breakfast toasts are wrong: instead of mozzarella, they are filled with slices of pale, unripe pumpkin . There’s also a bread roll on the table, it has peanut butter sticks inside; my brother grabs it and takes a bite, I yell because the sticks are actually cat food, but it’s too late, he has eaten the bread.
It’s time to walk to school! I’m running through a meadow because I’m late. On my way I meet two unnamed voice actors and their dog, I explain to them I’m going to “phone school“.* I finally reach the building and it’s not my IRL High School: it’s a ~technical school that I apparently decided to transfer to. Inside there is a massively high ceiling and a lot of stairs moving and intertwining, a bit like Hogwarts but much more airy and modern.
My class is in the upmost right corner, I hurry up the stairs and I’m very relieved to realize I’m only five minutes late. The teacher pops his head from the door, he’s my usual philosophy prof but there’s something different this time: he has a big smile, like he’s enjoying himself, for once. He gives me a pair of scissors and tasks me with cutting out the tags from his sweater. But wait, all my classmates are teenagers, I realize with a sudden jolt. I’m an adult in my 30s! How am I supposed to get along with them!?
Back home, I boot up The Sims. Since I have all the expansion packs, I find some oriental clothes and objects. I create two Sims, an old Chinese woman and her daughter, give them musical instruments, and listen to them playing in the snow for a while.
*My new job is indeed at a phone store, but of course I’d still be stuck in high school in some way.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 