(I almost get to speak to God, he’s Sean Connery with long hair; I get woken up by the sound of drilling before I can open my mouth).
Tag: celebrities
Help Me Bey You’re My Only Hope
I dream that I’m in some sort of martial arts school, or maybe it’s a commune? The older students (who look like the doctors at my usual vet clinic) make my life impossible with tests and quizzes I couldn’t possibly know the answer to. The director is completely mad and likes cutting me up with a katana. He breaks my glasses and I’m desperate because how am I gonna fix them if I’m stuck here? One of the students is Beyoncé and she vows to help me.
Meeting People
I dream that my sister came back home and we fight fight fight. I’m in town sitting on a bench, talking about it with my dad, when the Queen of England sits on my other sides. She thanks me for helping her the last time, and I absolutely don’t remember ever meeting her before. She needs my help now because she wants to show Hercules, the Disney cartoon, to Prince Louis and doesn’t know if it’s appropriate for his age. I assure her I used to love Hercules as a child. We speak in different languages and she compliments me on my pronunciation. She notices I’m looking dejected, she learns about my sister and nods gravely. Okay, she says, early tomorrow morning we leave from Bangkok and you’re coming with us. I say no, absolutely no, I can’t travel, I don’t even have a swimsuit. It’s out of the question. The next morning I’m on a Thai beach.
Then I dream that I’m Lady Gaga trying to infiltrate a Nazi stronghold. Hitler himself is there and he’s looking for me, but thankfully with a surgical mask on my face, no eye makeup and a fake accent he doesn’t recognize me.
Can Summer End Soon Please
I dream that both my brother and sister are at home and we’re trying to get along. It’s September and I’m so excited about Fall and then Christmas. The trees are heavy with raspberries, and outside my window there’s a garden covered in big purple eggplants. On TV there’s a show with Katie McGrath.
That Place Felt So Familiar, I Need To Read Back And Find It Again.
I dream that I’m taking a walk with my mom and dad, I know exactly where I want to take them but I don’t know how to get there, I have to use my phone GPS. We get to an old water mill, long broken. Keira Knightley is inside, she says her time as mill guardian is finally over and one of us will have to take her place. Dad is chosen to remain, while my mom and I get to beautiful camping grounds in a forest, with a pretty cabin selling food and drinks. I know I’ve been here in a dream once before and I’m so happy to have found this place again.
After a week my dad joins us, except now he’s a young man with brown hair and glasses, he’s angry at his brother for some reason.
Yes, I Know She Doesn’t Have Children In Real Life.
I dream that Harry Potter doesn’t want to be Harry anymore, much to his teachers’ dismay he gets rid of the scar and the glasses and goes on to live as a tall, slender Frodo Baggins wearing capri pants.
Then I dream that I’m eating lunch at the beach, I’m wearing jeans over my one-piece swimsuit because I’m not comfortable showing my legs. I go to the bathroom and try to pee, but realize I’m on my period and I’ll have to take off the swimsuit. Now I’m sitting on the toilet wearing a hoodie, then someone walks in the bathroom; I recognize him immediately, he’s Oprah’s son. He just won’t leave, he’s looking at me and I know I’ll have to sue him and his mother.
Something Like This Might Have Actually Happened In High School.
I dream that I’m on a school trip, sharing a hotel room with a bunch of girls. We’re all in the same giant bed and I just want to sleep but the girls are chatting and giggling and listening to music, it’s driving me crazy and I finally snap. Everyone is mad at me because I’m so weird and no fun. The morning after the girls are mysteriously well rested while I’m a wreck.
Then I dream that I’m in Noelle Stevenson’s house watching a Pinocchio movie, it’s dark and entertaining but when Noelle arrives with some friends I stop watching because I don’t want to be a bore. He’s annoyed at me anyway and that’s fair, after all I’m so slow and irritating. We’re all about to go out and party but I’m not dressed yet, and then I have to run back because I forgot the puppy he gave me. There’s a lot of puppies in the house though, all white with black and brown spots. I grab one hoping it’s mine.
Slow Down!
I dream about going to a meet and greet with Alison Bechdel. It’s night, we’re standing on the street in an European city, she’s speaking Italian for some reason. She starts walking and talking, I can barely keep up and hear what she’s saying. All I can do is take pictures of her back.
I Want To Point Out This Wasn’t Meryl, This Was Miranda.
I dream that I’m Oliva Colman (or at least, I look like her). I’m on the Devil Wears Prada set playing a rival stylist, I’m wearing a knee length jean shirt my mom picked for me this morning, I thought it was fancy enough but now I’m not sure. I’m also not wearing any makeup because I assumed a makeup artist would take care of it, instead I’m thrown on set right away and I don’t know my lines yet and Miranda Priestly is sneering at me.
I’ve Never Seen That Movie And Only Vaguely Know The Plot
I dream that I’m watching Rango, the movie with the cartoon chameleon, and also moving the character like in a videogame. Rango applies for a job as the town teacher, he’s quite incompetent at first and lets the children play paintball completely ruining the local market. He eventually figures things out, gets married and becomes mayor.
During a stormy night he’s about to leave with his wife to see a Ferrari car show. (What year is this movie supposed to be set in anyway?) The village witch appears at their door carrying a half drowned woman: it’s Tina Fey and she has an old timey camera in her hands. Mr and Mrs Rango decide to skip the car show to help her.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 