I dream that my Christmas tree is bare, I took out every decoration to reorganize them and never put them back. Now I’m too busy masturbating because my Barbies were horny and that made me horny. My family isn’t happy I abandoned the tree.
Tag: Christmas
When You Wake Up Suddenly And It’s Like You Were Just There
I dream that the whole family is at a beach village, one of those Greek sea places with white houses and blue roofs. The sun is shining and it’s clearly summer, still groups of children are coming down stairs and alleys singing a Christmas song, I know it’s Greek because I recognize the world “aletheia”. Another group is singing in… Hebrew? That can’t be right, they don’t celebrate Christmas. Maybe they’re Copts.
As more and more relatives arrive I yearn to go back home and avoid them all, I beg my dad to drive me and he refuses. I walk instead, looking behind my back to see if he changed his mind. I fall asleep on a bench and when I wake up Dad has brought me home on his bicycle.
I want to take a shower but there’s a tray of burned cheese burgers in the bathroom, the smell is foul. My mom sits next to me on my bed and puts some sort of rust colored lotion on my face. Meanwhile, my brother is telling me that Dad is gonna take down our shower panels, that upsets me so much I throw a little, pathetic tantrum.
We sit around the table to eat dinner, both my grandmothers are here. My late grandma G. is slouching back on her chair, she looks like she has no bones and is about to plop on the floor any minute, like she’s made of jelly. I’m explaining to the both of them what 3D glasses are, isn’t it marvelous, I say, how everyone can now see holograms? They don’t really understand the concept. I say, imagine a big red billboard with the name of your favorite supermarket. With my glasses I also can see… I fish around for an actress they would recognize,
I can also see Sofia Loren projected on the billboard, waving at me.
After dinner, my brother attempts to hack into my phone to see if I ever visited a certain city. He’s not gonna find anything, I say confidently. He finds a panoramic photo that looks more like a painting. It’s from my point of view, it looks like I’m sitting in a shabby room. He changes the prospective and we gasp: on my lap there’s a dirty rat with a syringe stuck in its neck. It’s a terrifying close up.
Next I go to the store because it’s my old coworker S.’s birthday and we are planning a surprise party. I buy birthday cards and balloons from him, he doesn’t suspect a thing. I really need to pee though, and I’ll have to hold it because it’s not hygienic to use a public bathroom, Coronavirus and all. I can’t remember my credit card pin, I look it up on my phone, it’s the old Motorola my mom owned in 1997. It’s broken and I can’t seem to fix it and I really need to run home and pee. S. tries to fix it as well, he hands back something that is not my phone, I really don’t care, I grab it and…
I wake up and run to the bathroom.
Area Woman Decides To Wake Up Early And Shower, Has All Night Anxiety About It
I dream that it’s Christmas and I’m typically upset about not receiving any presents. I storm in my room and brood a bit, yell a bit at my neighbors for blasting far-right propaganda from their windows. I know I need to go shower, yet I waste hours playing Pokémon on an old Game Boy Advance. I feel so bad for procrastinating. My brain is like mush.
I finally get up and step in the shower box, I struggle not to just sit down and brood some more. No, I need to concentrate on the task ahead. My grandma is there too (now the shower is the size of a large room with black marble walls), she’s standing on a stool and trying to take a picture from a slit window, she says she wishes her phone had a better camera. Well, I have a better camera!
The ocean is on the other side of the window, blue and shiny and I start taking pictures. Now the shower is an open space on the beach and the walls are bamboo. I feel guilty about leaving the water running, but the sun is setting and I need these pics for my Instagram. Beach goers try to shower and I shoo them away. Two men are painting the wall of a building with Michelangelo’s frescoes, I take picture after beautiful picture. The beach employees are trying to stop me. The water is still running.
Busy Night
I dream that I’m having a fight with my sister because, as usual, I don’t want to share a room. I grab her sheets and throw them out.
Then I dream that I’m late for work. Then, that I’m singing to some cowboys. Then I’m in a Dragon Ball episode. Then, it’s November and there are no Christmas ads on TV because of Corona. It’s rather sad.
Christmas In August. Also, The Moon.
I dream that I’m a scientist at the end of a long, long stay on the moon. I didn’t have an easy relationship with my colleague, also a brilliant scientist. But now, at then end, we sit under a blanket together and cuddle, watching the black sky from a big window. She’s beautiful. Our orange cat is bouncing around the station wearing a little space suit.
Then I dream that I’m teaching how to read to a little Middle Eastern boy, descendant of knights and dragons. It’s Christmas day and I’m trying to keep my tears at bay because I know there won’t be any presents for me under the tree, my family will have forgotten as usual. They are all sitting around the dinner table, arguing about politics.
I Begged And Begged But My Parents Never Took Me
I dream that I’m visiting Disneyland with my mother and sister. It’s already late in the evening and the park is about to close as I get to the little train that circles the whole area. The characters walking around are children wearing creepy, lifeless masks. They look so sad and exhausted I suggest them to unionize. They laugh.
The train ride is short, the park is smaller than what I imagined. We visit Santa Claus land, it’s full of cute animatronics but it feels wrong in July. At the end of the ride there’s a gift shop, I immediately go look for stickers but all the packets are open and half stolen. The young shop employee is blind and he can’t help me. How could Laura Bailey betray me like this? (The place was recommended by her, somehow).
I finally locate an almost intact package and demand a discount. I pay it 4 bucks.
It’s That Kid Again
Guess what, I dream that I’m at school, but I can’t go to my classroom because there are some students sleeping there. It’s part of their religion, I think. AOC is one of them. As I’m waiting in the street for them to wake up, my neighbor’s mom ask where I hid the presents she bought for her son. Because it’s Christmas, and he’s a child again.
Oh no, I hid the presents in the classroom. The boy sneaks inside to go look for them. I follow, angry at how disrespectful he’s being.
My classmates are waking up and emerging from their sleeping bags. They’ve found the presents I hid, an illustrated book and some Harry Potter stickers. They are teasing each other, asking who the kid’s stuff belongs to. They’re mine! Says the actual kid.
Oh, they say, realizing their mistake. Have you been a good boy?
Yes, he replies. They give him his presents.
I go home and cry because I never get any presents from my parents.
Starts Very Typical, Goes a Tad Weird
I dream that I’m walking to school and it’s raining. I stop to buy some ham. If the dream wasn’t recurring enough, there are two identical supermarkets in the same town area. All I’m worried about is my ham melting because it’s too hot outside.
I come across a Christmas parade, I’m upset and I tell them it’s July! They accuse me of lacking Christmas spirit. I say,
I do have Christmas spirit. In December!
I walk past a crepes stand. My cousin takes me to a huge party in a nearby house, it’s too damn loud and I immediately nope out of it. Cousin is upset.
I go back home and watch a Doctor Who episode with my mom, who is apparently a Michelle Gomez fan. Then we watch Derry Girls, it’s an episode where they ice skate like their idol, Tonya Harding. A little boy falls in love with James and is stalking him.
Plot Twist
I dream that I go to the computer store to buy a desktop (something I’m planning to do IRL). I explain to the young woman in the store uniform that I’ll be able to buy a new computer with my next paycheck, and could she save one for me?
Fast forward to Christmas, and now my new desktop is sitting in my bedroom and I’m real confused: how did we get here? It was June just a moment ago, why can’t I remember these past months?
Somebody kidnapped me. I was taken away in a big truck with other young people. We were taken to a large room and chained to beds for months and months, until the Stockholm syndrome kicked in. We were then more than happy to help our captors, a group of international criminals and spies.
Now I’m back to the free world and a trained assassins. I shouldn’t remember the brainwash I went through, but I do, I do.
The Spectacular Flying Baby
I dream that it’s Christmas and I’m mad at my family for forgetting lunch, it’s already 4 P.M. I end up having a panic attack, they laugh in my face.
I’m on my own now, scrolling down Twitter. I find the video of a baby sitting in a pram that lost control and is plummeting towards a house on fire. The baby flies out and we see a close up of his rubbery face bouncing against the wall, then the video cuts to an explosion. The whole thing is obviously fake, a giant Warner Bros logo blinks in the sky behind the house.
I watch the video over and over until it becomes real and the baby appears in the air in front of me. His body is shaped like a star and he has four heads, white as milk.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 