I dream that I badly need a shower but can never find the bathroom unoccupied, right now there’s Captain America sitting on the toilet. Not pooping, just sitting.
I finally find a giant bathroom with glass doors, after I go inside guards arrive to lock the doors with heavy chains. The bathroom starts slowing filling with water. I notice there are other people hiding inside, one of them is Keanu Reeves. As we are all about to drown I spot a small hole in the ceiling and swim through it, followed by the other prisoners.
Outside we are greeted by heavy armed guards. I grab a red car and wave it in the air (I suppose I’m really strong in this dream?). The guards laugh in my face but they haven’t noticed the angry bull behind them. Entranced by the red car, the bull launches on the bad guys and mauls them. On the side, Keanu Reeves has efficiently killed some guards on his own.
(I forgot to post my notes yesterday but here’s April 25th entry)
I’m watching Steven Universe, now it’s a Disney Peter Pan sequel, it has beautiful songs. Peter has a new origin story, he was a Greek child who drowned thousands of years ago, and the Powers that Be want to drown every lost boy on the island to make them go home.
The oldest boy, who’s a world-hardened rebel, locks himself up in a shed. Emma Pillsbury is also there, she tries to talk him out if it, but he grabs a rusty saw and cuts off his fingers, one by one. Then his whole hand, then the other. I have to look away. Ms. Pillsbury grabs Fairy Grandmother’s wand and magics the two of them out.
The boy without hands learns that he’s been on Neverland for centuries and his family is gone by now. He is transported back to London, to a dreary little funeral in a dark day. Only a little girl notices him standing between the tombstones. He can see all the ghosts and cuddles with them.
I’m on the balcony and I notice my cat inside another building. I call her and she jumps out of a window, bounces on the ground like a rubber ball and with a supernatural jump lands in my arms.
I run to my mother to tell her, she’s not impressed. We go out, I walk in the middle of the road because I’m afraid of dogs barking from behind their gates. We reach a street market that only sells food because everything else is forbidden during lockdown, I see an old lady that from behind looks exactly like my late Grandma G.: I touch her shoulder, she turns around and she has a big nose and pointy yellow teeth.
My glasses are broken. I look for an old pair, find them in a drawer, there’s a big scratch on one of the lenses. I wish I had gotten a new prescription before all the stores were closed.
There is a bed with a… tent? Rolled over it? I break it and then try to roll it back, even try to glue it but it’s no use. Bud Bergstein and his wife come in the room and are appalled.
It’s Christmas night. I want to be alone and read my Steven Universe comic book but dad is angry, again, he’s making a scene. Like I’ve dreamed to so many times, I pick him up by the armpits and put him outside. He takes the car and leaves, it’s already dawn and nobody knows where he’s gone, and everybody is mad at me.
I’m watching a new Harry Potter TV adaptation, the actors are adults pretending to be children and the whole thing is rather irreverent.
In the episode I’m watching Harry wants to travel to a parallel world Hogwarts, so he transfigures himself into a woman to play an excellent prank on the other students. Now he has blue hair, tattoos and a fake tan; he shows his breasts proudly to Ron, and Hermione has to remind him he’s supposed to be eleven. Female Harry is a success at parallel Hogwarts, all the boys and even a few girls fall in love with him. He travels back home on his motorbike, on the highway he sees flying cars and laughs gleefuly.
Another episode starts, Harry and the gang are playing outside on the Hogwarts grounds when they find a strange emblem. They rush to the library, up in the highest tower, and place the emblem on the cover of a certain book: Harry has a vision of Voldemort, sees him talking to his Death Eaters around a table in a dark room. Voldemort realizes he’s being watched and orders Snape (who is a woman) to go get the children.
They run but it’s too late, Snape is already at the library door. Dumbledore apparates in the room and whisks everyone away to safety, the whole scene lasts only a few seconds and it’s quite exciting. In the commotion Mad-Eye Moody falls off the tower and crashes next to the maze, but he doesn’t die.
There is a man chasing us, he’s wearing an animal skull on his head. He’s immortal, no matter how much we hurt him he keeps getting up; eventually I throw a bomb and blow him to smithereens. I know this is gonna buy me some time so I go to class; I can’t pay attention though, ever few moments I glance at the door, wondering when the man with the animal skull will be back.
I’m taking a walk in town with Gran, we’re not wearing a face mask and I feel guilty about it. She buys a notebook and I pay for it, then she gets a coffee to go (more sanitary!) and I pay for that too, so now I don’t have any money left.
I go back home and use the notebook to copy down a Sudoku board, I make a big mess of inky splotches and have to rip out the page. An old schoolmate comes over, he shows me a book he’s writing: the plot is about a rich young boy (self insert much? I think) with a kidnapped little sister. The book*I* am writing is much better, it’s about a genius little girl living in Victorian times.
He notices a picture of Narcissa Malfoy on the cover of one of my books, says she’s the most beautiful woman in all Harry Potter canon. I argue that would be Rowena Ravenclaw’s daughter, I try to google her but there’s something wrong: I’m writing her name on my notebook instead of a computer, and each two words I write, a drawing that combines both of them appears on paper. I immediately start combining pornographic words, and I’m still having fun with the results when my alarm rings, dangit.
I’m with friends and family at our mountain house, we are all sitting around a wooden table. One of the guests is Sharon from FBE, I’m telling her all about my neighbor S. and how he’s like a brother to me. He’s also here with my siblings and they’re all cuddling with kittens, I try to take pictures but my phone layout is all wrong and I don’t know how to fix it.
We see a group of American tourists walking in our vegetable garden and plucking up our food like it’s a quirky, fun thing to do, I hang out from the second floor window and yell but they don’t hear me. I run downstairs and to the garden, I tell them I took pictures of them (a lie, since my phone is messed up). A woman says she’s gonna sue me for that, I say that I’m gonna sue them first for stealing!
Another of our guests is Alex Danvers, she’s my girlfriend but it’s a secret. I feel quite self-conscious comparing myself to her, she’s so gorgeous and I’m chubby, plus my hair has gotten so long since the lockdown started. She assures me I’m beautiful no matter what, then as a romantic gift she transfers a Pokémon to my phone, I don’t know how she managed it since I can’t seem to work my phone at all. I promise her I’ll visit as soon as the travel ban is lifted.
It’s evening and time for our guests to go home, I offer to accompany them. We walk down the mountain path, Alex and I a few steps behind, holding hands and hoping nobody will notice. About halfway to the village we stop at a tiny airport. My guests are going to take a small tourist aircraft, they stand on the landing strip and I can see under the floodlights dozens and dozens of people sick with Covid-19, all lying on stretchers and waiting for their turn to get on the plane.
I’m watching Star Wars on TV. Darth Vader is on screen, he is not wearing his armor and his flesh is red, burned and bleeding. He removes his helmet too, we see two big eyes, long eyelashes and eyebrows wincing in pain. I realize he’s actually played by Hayden Christensen, I don’t know how they convinced him to come back! Even weirder, he’s wearing a black wig that makes him look like Snape or Kylo Ren. He yells in pain and anger, and a stormtrooper runs over to help.
Now I’m watching the latest Critical Role episode. The battles are beautifully animated with the same style as Gorillaz’s videos. The episode ends with Nott being teleported away, and Matt says goodbye because the show is quarantined like everything else.
I try to go back home, but it’s raining now and there are too many people out and about, I realize with horror. Why aren’t they all in lockdown?! We are all gonna get sick! I decide to hold my breath and try desperately not to touch my face until I’m out of the crowd. A woman tries to grab me by the hand to beg for money, and I run away.
I end up at the store, my boss’ boss is there. She wants to know if I prepared the list she asked me to, I lie and say it’s on my tablet. I’m saved from further embarrassment by my dad, who burst in waving a piece of paper with a credit card glued on it: the government has sent me money, to make up for the fact that I’ll be quarantined at home for months. There are 750 bucks on the credit card, and I’m really excited because I’ll be able to buy myself a new computer now.
I’m back at school. The teacher is a woman, she looks a bit like a jerk; she asks how everyone’s internships are going, I raise my hand and explain that all internships are on hold until April 4th because of Coronavirus*. The teacher says don’t worry, she’ll find an activity we can all do together in the afternoons. I’m appalled because I was really looking forward to some rest and free time.
All the kids take a service elevator to the basement, it’s just four metal bars connecting a platform to a thin roof and it looks very unsafe. I take the stairs instead. I reach my class and we all sit in front of a clown, who starts entertaining us blowing swirls of smoke inside giant soap bubbles.
The blond kid sitting next to me starts punching my arm. He must be the school bully, but he grows to respect me once he realizes my arms are so strong after working at the store. The clown scolds us for talking instead of paying attention, then he says with a scorned tone that there’s someone in the room who doesn’t believe in his magic. I think he’s talking about me, but instead he points at Sabrina Spellman, who’s sitting behind me. The clown invites her to try his tricks, she blows a giant soap bubble and the smoke inside it is shaped like perfect little skulls.
When it’s my turn, I simply say I don’t smoke and up and go back home. I meet an old woman at the gate, she asks me if I’m new in the building, I say I’ve been living here my entire life. Then she asks if I have any kids, and for who knows what reason I choose to lie and say yes. She asks what their names are, I answer with my and my brother’s names. She says they sound familiar.
I step inside the building and the doors are all wrong. I walked into a maze again and by now I know it’s because I must be dreaming. I’m not gonna find my way home unless I wake up, but how am I gonna do that? I have with me a package just delivered to my brother, I start reading out loud the list of items inside the box, and just like that I wake up in my bed (not really, I’m still asleep, but in the dream I’m convinced I woke up). I decide I must have sleep-walked from the school to my room, and that’s a great trick to have up my sleeve.
I ignore the Coronavirus lockdown and walk to the store to see how my cousin and my friend S. are doing. She’s annoyed as usual, he’s very happy to see me: he hugs me, and I notice his hair is longer and dyed blonde.
They invite me to have dinner at my cousin’s place. Unlike IRL, she lives in a small studio in a beehive-like building, with apartment nestled within each other and connected by outdoor stairs. Helen Mirren lives there in the building, I see her going up the stairs.
They sit on the living room couch, I sit on a chair behind them. We eat dinner and watch a new Doctor Who episode on an old TV set, maybe thirty or forty years old. In the episode, Yaz acts so in love with the Doctor that I’m moved to tears.
It’s getting late. S. turns off the TV and gives me a big hug before leaving, apparently he lives upstairs. My cousin orders me to go to bed, but all I want is keep watching the show. I try to lower the volume so I won’t wake her up but the remote has so many buttons and it’s too complicated. The screen explodes and falls into my hands, it’s just a net made of metallic wire.
My cousin is really mad at me now. She calls me selfish, says she wishes she had what I have, a laptop to watch movies in bed instead of just one old crappy TV. I don’t get it, she’s so rich, why doesn’t she buy one?
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 