I dream that I’m watching a Sailor Moon episode that turns into a horror show about a painting that is beautiful if you have a pure soul, and show inexplicable horrors if you are a sinner. A taxi driver goes back to work after seeing the painting, a tall monster in a trench and bowler hat sits in the back of his taxi. “I’m going to hell,” says the monster. “That’s fine,” says the man, “I’m already there.”
Then I dream about punching my brother in the face, and it was well deserved.
I dream that my sister came back home and we fight fight fight. I’m in town sitting on a bench, talking about it with my dad, when the Queen of England sits on my other sides. She thanks me for helping her the last time, and I absolutely don’t remember ever meeting her before. She needs my help now because she wants to show Hercules, the Disney cartoon, to Prince Louis and doesn’t know if it’s appropriate for his age. I assure her I used to love Hercules as a child. We speak in different languages and she compliments me on my pronunciation. She notices I’m looking dejected, she learns about my sister and nods gravely. Okay, she says, early tomorrow morning we leave from Bangkok and you’re coming with us. I say no, absolutely no, I can’t travel, I don’t even have a swimsuit. It’s out of the question. The next morning I’m on a Thai beach.
Then I dream that I’m Lady Gaga trying to infiltrate a Nazi stronghold. Hitler himself is there and he’s looking for me, but thankfully with a surgical mask on my face, no eye makeup and a fake accent he doesn’t recognize me.
I dream that I’m home celebrating Christmas with old friends, as always glad that Summer’s over. My old best friend M. teases me about crushing on cartoon characters when we were children, and how she already knew I was gay back then. I tell her I’m bi actually, even though I like women better.
Some black haired guy arrives, flirts with my friend. Everybody is amused because they know I’m gonna be jealous. I try to ignore him as he goes towards the bedrooms, then we hear screaming: I find him on one knee and my sister outraged, she threw a box of pencils at him because he proposed after meeting her for the first time. I grab him by the collar and drag him back to the living room, throw him on the floor, straddle him and start throwing punches. My technique isn’t too effective, but it feels good.
I remember fighting with my aunt and my sister. That’s it. I’m always angry in my dreams and I don’t know why.
I dream that I’m walking home from the beach. I stop to take a picture of the mountains on the opposite side, the sun lighting them nicely, when an explosion covers the entire frame: they’re filming a movie and the director tells me to beat it, he’s very rude and unprofessional. Not knowing what to do, I go back to the beach. The sun is setting and I try to take another photo, once again a black cloud covers everything. This time it’s a baby twister running towards me as I’m just about to cross a wooden bridge. I do so gingerly.
I finally get home, where I find out my brother has bought himself a new camera. I’m really upset because every time I want something he buys it instead. I jump on him and start punching his face. Everybody is upset, Gran is crying. I say I don’t care because he hasn’t talked to me in 6 years. He’s bleeding and refusing to look at me.
I dream that I’m trying to sleep, but my room is connected to the rooftop and people are coming and going. All I want is to be alone, from my bed I start yelling that only people who live in this building can come through, and only if they’re wearing a mask! They ignore me. I end up punching a teen girl.
I dream that my family is fighting, everybody needs to use the bathroom, everybody is unhappy, I’m unhappy.
I dream that everyone I ever worked with through the years is in my house. A former boss is looking for a phone, I only have a novelty landline shaped like a clown.
We sit for lunch and my parents start fighting, everyone is looking at me with pity, like suddenly they understand why I have issues. I try to talk to them but my sister is having another tantrum and nobody can hear me. There are glass shards on the floor and I start sweeping them. My dead grandpa is there.
In the evening I go to see a show. My cousin is sitting at the ticket booth, she tells me an inside joke, her manager is upset. Inside the theater a 40s movie is playing starring Miley Cyrus. Next to me is sitting the movie’s director, he tries to touch me inappropriately. I get up and go sit with my cousin, he’s very upset.
I dream that I’m having a fight with my sister because, as usual, I don’t want to share a room. I grab her sheets and throw them out.
Then I dream that I’m late for work. Then, that I’m singing to some cowboys. Then I’m in a Dragon Ball episode. Then, it’s November and there are no Christmas ads on TV because of Corona. It’s rather sad.
I dream that I’m looking into colleges for when I finish high school. At the same time I’m also my current adult self, so I end up choosing a psychology degree, because it’ll help with my retail job, somehow?? I guess customers do be crazy.
At the same time I’m looking into buying a car, I select an old gray Citroën, extremely boring but it somehow only costs 400 bucks. I can’t even drive but that’s not gonna stop me! I lie in the back seat and smile and smile.
I go home and I find a dozen cats, most of them black. My own cat is conspicuously missing. All the cats are wearing circus clothes. I go fill the bathtub (it’s plastic, transparent blue), they all follow me and jump in the water. I start brushing them with soap and they all look very satisfied, like they’ve been trained for this. There is a white cat with a bleeding injury on her shoulder, and a gray tabby with his legs missing. There also a talking toy astronaut.
Afterward I’m walking home from school and decide to visit the local catholic church. I haven’t been inside the building in years and I don’t like religious institutions on principle, but here I go, and the church is packed so I have to sit on the marble steps.
A bearded man stood up and is now giving a speech a few seats from me. Another guy (I recognize him, it’s a local politician) attacks him, a fist fight ensues. I’m enjoying this more than I can say, these religious types and their hypocrisy! The politician notices I’m chuckling ant attacks me too, scratches my face. I say I’m just an innocent schoolgirl! I’m not though, I’m in my 30s, there’s blood pouring down my face and I’m still laughing.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 