Catching Up

Posted on September 7, 2021 by Decade Dream Journal

I dream that I’m watching a movie with Brad Pitt. He shrinks into weirder and less intelligent little creatures, looking like those ugly gargoyles on top of medieval churches. He gets tiny and bony with long limbs, and he moves around rolling. Eventually he turns into a long thing with short legs, similar to a dachshund, with tiny wings on his back. “I’ve regressed back into my purest form: I’m now an angel,” he says, and flies away.

I dream that I have three feet, two of them facing opposite sides at the end of my right leg. It suddenly occurs to me that this isn’t normal and most people only have two feet. I go to God and explain him the situation. He sends me to the Divine Supermarket, I check through the isles and pick up the Toothpaste of Sexual Prowess, then put it back; it’s not gonna help me, nothing here can. Eventually mi sister cures me with phoenix juice.

I dream that my sister is leaving for a fancy foreign school and needs a place to spend the night before boarding her plane. We look into renting a Lego house: this is not a regular sized house made of Legos, but a tiny toy house that she will fit in somehow. We contact a guy but the price for his Legos are really inflated, so I decide to just lend her my old toy house instead.

That night we are celebrating at a food stall, the cook immediately recognizes us as the cheapskates that didn’t rent his Legos. A fight ensue and we are all arrested. Now we are a family of redheads at the police station, our mom is a Mediterranean-looking woman who can slow time, but just for a little bit. We are tasked with searching tokens and puzzle pieces around the room, if we can complete the puzzle we’ll go back to yesterday before being arrested. The stakes are high and we’re all sweating and panicking, but we complete the puzzle just seconds before the guards arrive!

A Fight That We’ve Had Time And Time Again

Posted on April 11, 2021April 11, 2021 by Decade Dream Journal

I dream that I’m having a fight with my sister. You know I have trouble sleeping, I say. You know my anxiety spikes and I get heart palpitations when you don’t come back at night. Couldn’t you at least tell me if you’re gonna be late or early? Just that, I don’t want an exact time.

I will never tell you, my sister says. What I do is none of your business.

S. Has To Hide Her Girlfriends From Older Relatives IRL And That Is So Awful And Unfair

Posted on December 21, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

I dream about a get together with my siblings and cousins, but we all get in a huge fight. My cousin G.’s cat needs oxygen now and it’s my sister’s fault (did she punch the cat??). G. sends over some of her friends to beat up my siblings and I, mom has to come over and beg them to stop. My cousin S. also has her face ruined, (did we punch her too????) Everyone is crying, including mom, and I yell,

This is because we are all EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED.

S. cries and says she doesn’t want to hide her wife from us anymore. She turns on the TV were her wife is giving a speech at the European Parliament. She is from a northern country and has a funny accent.

Yes I’ve Been Watching Hamilton

Posted on July 25, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

There is a white Bull Terrier living in my building, and I dream that the owner asks me to walk her around the parking lot. I’m excited because I love that dog, I take a lot of pictures as a butterfly lands on her big noggin. More neighbors arrive with their dogs, we get into an argument, I’m filming the man yelling at me so twitter can doxx him.

*(Photo by Magdalena Smolnicka on Unsplash*)

Then I dream that I’m home with my cousin, she’s upset because she realized everyone hates her. It’s because she’s such a bully, I tell her. Boss Lady is there too, scowling at my mother’s very bitter coffee. There’s also a previously unseen Boss Man, he’s quizzing me on American Founding Fathers. He gives me a book about Aaron Burr.

Store Ninjas

Posted on February 3, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

I’m at the store working with my cousin G. A tall guy walks in and start arguing with G., so I take him to the side trying to calm him down. He’s truly massive, I’m barely taller than his elbow, and his arms are bigger than a tree trunk. He’s very young though, his face looks dopey and lost. I ask him gently if he’d like to do something with his life and come work with us at the store. He says he’ll think about it.

It’s getting late and I want to go home for the night, but our boss shows up and recruits us for one last mission: turns out our store offers ninja services too! Cousin G., Boss Lady and I, dressed in black to hide in the darkness, start climbing a glass skyscraper. The two of them are very agile and I feel incompetent. A group of enemy ninjas attacks us and we fend them off with big plastic weapons.

We finally reach the top of the building and now it’s time to sneak inside the penthouse, where a big party is happening. I fill my backpack with junk food, potato chips, soda cants etc., so if I get caught I can say I was just stealing party food instead of something much more important.

The man we are looking for, a tux-wearing, Bond-esque villain, escapes on his expensive car, we chase him up the mountains. The road is curvy and snowy and I’m surprised I don’t get car sick. We reach a mountain lodge where we quickly kidnap the villain’s wife. Fjord from Critical Role joins us, he tricks the man into drinking wine spiked with tranquilizer, and we kidnap him as well. Unfortunately he’s a charming villain and our group of ninjas is soon suffering from Stockholm syndrome. Not long after, all the girls in the group are getting mani-pedis from him.

A Stroll Turned Violent

Posted on January 28, 2020February 7, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

I’m walking in the countryside with my dad, through stone roads and
picturesque cottages. We can hear a bird trilling from a cage in someone’s yard, Dad remarks out loud about how annoying that is. The owner of the bird hears this and comes outside, angry at us: I wait for Dad to walk away, then take her hands in mine (they are small and stubby) and whisper an apology.

“I’m a good person, I’ve never beat anyone in my life!” the woman tells me, pouting.

“I wish I could say the same about my dad,” I reply, and walk away.

We leave the road and pass a wooden gate into a muddy path, and along the way I take cute pictures of pigeons. At the end of the path, in the middle of a clearing in the trees, there’s a small wooden house. A tiny old man greets us at the door, he looks vaguely familiar and Dad introduces him as a distant relative. He invites us inside.

The man’s wife shakes my hand: she is younger and portly, gives me an impression of energy and determination. I discover she is the leader of a political resistance and is trying to unionize a group of factory workers.

I’m now in the factory, I see the workers have received a secret message from their rebel leader. They gather in a room looking for something, they peep from a hole in the wall. Outside the room, their supervisor is growing suspicious: he’s a gaunt young man, he starts asking me too many questions. I’m standing next to a child, my little brother, and we both lie to him, tell him the secrete message was just someone calling a wrong number.

The workers emerge from the room, kidnap their supervisor and rape him with a rusty iron pole. I watch the whole thing, and while I believe the supervisor was enjoying himself, I still feel incredibly scared and guilty. I run back to the small wooden house and when my dad finds me, I lie and say I was there all day and never left.

I feel so guilty that, back home, I frantically try to erase my GPS history, I’m convinced I’m gonna be arrested. It’s hot outside, summer, my cousin G. wants to get me out of the house and have fun. She gives me an olive shirt and suggests I keep the buttons open with a small magnet, to show off my chest. Don’t I want to meet cute boys?! I say I don’t want to meet any boys and refuse to leave the house.

It’s New Year’s Eve. We all gather around the dinner table, a little bit dumbfounded. How can it be 2021 already, where did time go? I don’t have a journal for the new year, I don’t have any stickers, I don’t have a calendar. Then it downs on me: it’s still June, and we’ve been tricked. Is it the police? I check the online forums for traces I might have left behind. Then I wake up and I am very relieved to realize I’m not about to be arrested after all.

Murderers on a Boat

Posted on January 19, 2020January 19, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

My cousin and I are on the run because we killed someone in Venice, and I can still feel the blood spraying from his throat. We desperately need to rest and get rid of evidence, so we choose a random, empty-looking house, we shower and change and are about to leave when a woman appears on the door. She’s around sixty, has short hair and glasses, looks like Phyllis Smith. We’re petrified for a moment, thinking we got caught, but luckily the woman is short sighted and mistakes us for her own nieces! She sees we showered and that we are carrying black garbage bags (to get rid of evidence!) and, bless her soul, just assumes we must have had our periods. She tells us to not worry because “it’s perfectly normal” and that we can use her house whenever we need. “See,” says my cousin as we leave. “Peace of cake.”

My siblings are now tagging along because they’re also murderers. We have found the perfect hiding spot: we’re sailing along the good guys’ ship, so massive they’ll never notice the small boat hiding literally under their noses. Or at least, we think we’re safe, but a government agent storms into the boat and easily defeats all of us! We think we are doomed, but to our surprise he offers us to become state-sanctioned assassins. We quickly take the offer.

Bloody Magazines

Posted on January 13, 2020January 19, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

I walk inside a newsstand and browse through the magazines. I want to pick something interesting (Wired, maybe?) and buy every issue starting today. January 2020 is a good date to start building a collection, right?

While I’m still browsing, an immigrant walks into the store, he pays in cash and stands in front of the register waiting for his change. The owner smiles a wicked smile and plays with the five bucks in his hand. He says he doesn’t think he’s gonna give the man his money today.

Now, IRL I’ve promised myself to be more assertive and speak up, so speak up I do. I take a deep breath and say out loud,

Give this man his change or I’ll call the police.

I start rummaging through my bag for my cell phone. The store owner whips out a tiny gun, smaller than his fist, and points it directly at me. He orders to put down the phone. I grab his hand and after a struggle I take the gun away from him. He produces another one identical to the first and I run to hide behind a door. A shootout ensues, and I finally wound him and call the police.

Lost Jackets, Lost Shoes

Posted on January 6, 2020January 19, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

I’m a soldier sitting at a table in my own IRL living room. A fellow soldier is sitting next to me. We are searching through a pile of jackets belonging to prisoners, one by one we rip the seams with a pocket knife, searching for hidden money or keys.

There is a journalist hiding in the room, taking pictures with his phone. We grab him, try to force him to release the phone, but he says the public has the right to know what we’re doing! We have to call one of our special agents, a skinny guy with glasses and a lab coat on. He smiles gleefully in a disturbing sort of way, gives the journalist a drug. I shake the scientist’s hand, it gets covered in spit. His mouth is full of spit too, he reminds me of a boy I was forced to sit next to in middle school.

I go to my usual salon and look around for F., the man that always cuts my hair. I notice stairs that weren’t there before and go up to the second floor: F. is on the balcony smoking, a balcony that looks almost like mine. I tell him about my new job and how I urgently need a haircut, he’s very happy for me and tells me to go fix an appointment.

*( Photo by Guilherme Petri on Unsplash )*

Downstairs next to the register are standing Naya Rivera and Heather Morris. They look older than what I remembered, Naya is wearing a baseball cap and stinks of alcohol. They greet me because we went to school together, ask how my cat is doing. Hearing this, my sister walks up to show us the cat inside her tote bag, it’s a white and brown kitten that looks very unhappy. I get mad at my sister, how can she just walk around with a poor kitten like that! She ignores me and skips the line, so she can pay for the roasted potatoes she apparently bought at the salon.

I suddenly realize I’m not wearing my shoes and I don’t remember taking them off. The place is now filled with hundreds of people. I try to look outside in the yard, but I’m chased away by the Golden Girls. Inside a child is arranging hundreds of shoes in a long train on the floor, I pick them one by one but can’t find mine. Then a thought occurs to me: I’m wearing no shoes because I’m in actually in bed! And I wake up.

Little Little Women

Posted on January 5, 2020January 19, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

A recurring dream: I’m at school, usually high school, and still have to graduate. It’s been years and I’m stuck here, failing my finals every time and having to go back. Often I’m sitting in my old philosophy teacher’s class, but in my dreams he teaches something even more horrid, like math or biology. I’m always unprepared, always didn’t study, always have skipped classes and don’t know how to catch up. Today’s dream is no different, I’m sitting at my desk but I don’t even know where on the textbook we’re at, I’m hoping and praying that the teacher won’t ask me questions. Suddenly a thought occurs to me: I’m starting my new job soon!* How can I go to school if I’m supposed to be at work every morning? Does this mean…? Dare I hope? I run to my mom and ask her if I’m allowed to quit school, at long last.

Another dream: I’m sitting in a little Victorian living room, I am Jo March from Little Women. I’m entertaining guests with my sisters, there’s two gentlemen for now but we’re waiting for a friend of Meg’s to come by, we’re told she’s a very sweet young lady. She arrives just as Beth is sitting at the piano singing an Ave Maria with her beautiful soprano voice. I think to myself it’s pretty cinematic and we’re gonna make a great impression. The guest enters the room and Amy –as played by a young Kirsten Dust– does a little double take and exclaims, “And who are you supposed to be?!” It’s very funny and endearing.

We all go out to the yard where the gentlemen strike a conversation with Netflix’s Lucifer. The two are gushing about something awful, like slave trade. Lucifer punishes us all by shrinking down the whole party to half our size. Baffled, Amy picks up a red leaf from the ground, it’s bigger than her hand now.

Meg and I leave to find a cure, accompanied by our butler, who’s a posh Brit with a white mustache. We are so small the three of us look like children walking down the street. We reach my IRL neighborhood and sneak in the local kindergarten, the rooms inside are covered wall to wall and floor to ceiling with blue porcelain tiles. We leave from the window, and there’s a cackle of hyenas waiting for us outside! We grab our batons and flame throwers and get ready for the fight.

*I am starting a new job on Thursday.

DECADE DREAM JOURNAL