I dream that I’m showing Glee episodes to my sister because I’m feeling nostalgic. My dream mind has totally made up the various plot, but they seem legit enough.
Tag: Glee
All These Pop Culture Nods Are Gonna Fly Over Someone’s Heads I just Know
I dream that I’m watching Lindsay Ellis doing a Glee tribute episode. She’s the main character on Adventure Time, she and her fuzzy animal sidekick arrive on postapocalyptic Earth, mostly destroyed but still functional. She stops at a bar, drinks a coke, and that’s when she finds some old VHS tapes with Glee episodes! Lindsay’s gonna sing now, I can feel it.
I dream that I’m running because I’m late for Uni. A girl stops me inside the subway and asks me if my name is [insert my real name here]. Yes, why? I ask. My old glasses shop called her because she happens to have my same last name, and what do you know, she also just happened to walk across me!
She hands me her phone.
Hello?
I say.
How long have you had your glasses?
a male voice asks.
Uhh, about two years?
It’s just a guess. And it’s too late when I realize my guess was wrong.
Eventful Holiday
I dream that I’m interning at a tobacco store but nobody seems to pay attention to me. The next day is a holiday, I’m at the beach wearing a bikini, with my feet in the water. My parents come pick me up, there are four starving kids on the beach and my mom buys them ice cream pops. I go home and up some stairs, hiding inside an incredibly tiny outdoor toilet. I place an old TV (the kind with antennas and a big butt) on the toilet seat, sit on the floor in front of it and proceed to watch Glee as I eat my lunch.
Dreary Neverland
(I forgot to post my notes yesterday but here’s April 25th entry)
I’m watching Steven Universe, now it’s a Disney Peter Pan sequel, it has beautiful songs. Peter has a new origin story, he was a Greek child who drowned thousands of years ago, and the Powers that Be want to drown every lost boy on the island to make them go home.
The oldest boy, who’s a world-hardened rebel, locks himself up in a shed. Emma Pillsbury is also there, she tries to talk him out if it, but he grabs a rusty saw and cuts off his fingers, one by one. Then his whole hand, then the other. I have to look away. Ms. Pillsbury grabs Fairy Grandmother’s wand and magics the two of them out.
The boy without hands learns that he’s been on Neverland for centuries and his family is gone by now. He is transported back to London, to a dreary little funeral in a dark day. Only a little girl notices him standing between the tombstones. He can see all the ghosts and cuddles with them.
I’m on the balcony and I notice my cat inside another building. I call her and she jumps out of a window, bounces on the ground like a rubber ball and with a supernatural jump lands in my arms.
I run to my mother to tell her, she’s not impressed. We go out, I walk in the middle of the road because I’m afraid of dogs barking from behind their gates. We reach a street market that only sells food because everything else is forbidden during lockdown, I see an old lady that from behind looks exactly like my late Grandma G.: I touch her shoulder, she turns around and she has a big nose and pointy yellow teeth.
Going Home and Watching a Movie, the Usual
I’m walking home from work, on the streets I’m really trying to keep my social distance. Two little girls approach me, start to chat, they want to know how old am I? Where do I work? I try to send them back, tell them they’re not allowed to get this close to people. Their dad, who’s walking a few feet behind, apologizes. I tell him, look, your kids are nice, why don’t I give you my number and when all of this is over you guys can call me? He gives me his email address instead: I recognize the name, he’s one of my customers.
I arrive home and when I go up the stairs I see two teen girls laughing at me, I realize it’s because I’m not wearing any pants. I get inside my apartment and go straight to bed.
In the living room my family is watching a James Bond movie, it’s set during the Olympics and there’s a grand scene at the opening ceremony. Three of the characters sing on stage, the songs are beautiful and the lights are a spectacle, but I feel bad for the rest of the cast singing the chorus in the background, that always used to happen on Glee. Matthew McConaughey is there, he plays a character called “The King of Thieves”.
In the end James Bond dies and is put in an old coffin. I get up and my family tells me it’s too bad I missed the movie; they don’t know I listened to the whole thing from my bed.
Sweet Tooth
My mother tells me I cannot go to work because it’s snowing outside. I start to get dressed anyway, I know a little snow won’t be a good enough excuse. I call my cousin to ask how it’s looking, and suddenly I’m in her car and she’s driving me to the store. I’m mad because I still had to brush my teeth and wash my hair.
We stop to get breakfast at the bar near the store: now it’s a dark and golden, decadent pastry shop. I sneak in the bathroom to finish washing myself, it’s so small I get claustrophobic. My cousin has bought a slice of cake, I also go to take a good look at the pastries. They are magnificent, they have rococo name tags that make the place feel like Versailles.
I approach the ice cream counter and ask if they’ve got anything caramel. A man shows me green ice cream with a layer of thick caramel on top, he says it’s prehistoric mango and starts scooping it on top of a cone, then adds strawberry. I tell him,
You’re not gonna make me eat fruit when it’s snowing outside!
He looks embarrassed and puts the cone away. I go back to the pastries and ask again if there’s anything with caramel. The girl behind the counter shows me a truly enormous pastry, it’s shaped a bit like a lamp and covered in purple icing. I decide what the hell, I deserve a little pick-me-up, if it’s too expensive I can always pay with my credit card. My cousin tells me my pastry is embarrassing to look at and I will have to eat it in the back of the store, away from out customers.
We go to the cashier, who is Emma Pillsbury from Glee. She sees my big paper bag and wants to see the lamp pastry inside. When I show it to her she cries because it’s so beautiful. The pastry costs 4.15, so I don’t have to use my credit card after all.
(I did buy myself some caramel ice cream this afternoon. It was too salty)
Choirs and Cows
I’m watching on TV a children’s choir, they are all little hams that can’t stand still and are swaying wildly to the music. Delighted, I go to YouTube to send some of their videos to my friend C. I find one where an entire cast of Bollywood dancers are performing to their songs, and another where the TV host and the choir conductor are doing ballet.
The Glee cast is sitting in the audience, I guess they used to be former choir members. The last performer is a little girl with bangs and brown curls that looks like Rachel Berry, she throws a tantrum and refuses to sing unless it’s a “power ballad”.
I’m sitting in a doctor’s waiting room, but I also work there as a training secretary. As I wait I’m writing on my notebook and listening to music; an old schoolmate walks on the table and leaves a muddy shoe print on my blank page, I yell at him. The doctor*, who is Chris Evans in a white coat, gives me the thumbs up from his office. I reply with a toothy smile from under my wool hat and massive white earphones.
Now Chris Evans is reading the news on TV. He chokes on his words and is quickly replaced by ads, I picture everyone laughing at him in the studio. Once back, he introduces an old Disney cartoon: it has been clearly ripped from YouTube, I find it very unprofessional. The cartoon depicts a polyamorous relationship between a blonde human woman, three anthropomorphic cows and one actual cow.
*not THE Doctor. A doctor, a medical professional.
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