I dream that I quit high school because I’m too freaking old for that. Dad buys me a camera flash as encouragement.
Tag: photography
I Wish That Were Me
I dream that my sister is flying to New York to get a film degree. She’s got a new camera that is better than mine, I’m jealous as hell but I’m trying not to show it. I even teach her a trick for stabilizing a shot without a gimbal.
We get to her classroom for the intro lesson and the professor points me to the students’ seats because I’m carrying my own camera like always, but I shake my head and I go sit with the other relatives. The whole thing is so bittersweet.
Familiar Faces
I dream that I’m back in high school, my dad is also there teaching and everyone hates him. My old classmate S. is mad at me because she thinks I skipped the line to the principal’s office (I didn’t). Inside I ask for s signed note excusing me for being late during all next week, the principal is kind of bemused about it. While I’m there I steal my dad’s report and later show it to him, he’s very depressed about his low rates so I tell him the story of a young girl named Harry Potter who had round glasses, brown hair and really big boobs.
The next day everybody looks really happy, it takes me a moment to realize it’s the last day of school and I feel really dumb, why did I ask for that principal’s note? All the students around me looks like children and I feel ancient. I meet with S. again, although I don’t recognize her at all. We go home under my umbrella, I tell her about my college experience and how I finally found my true calling: photography. I don’t know where we’re going, I simply follow her and we end up on the beach. I’m happy to take a few pictures before a hasty retreat since it’s way too hot, I tell S. to call me back in the fall when temps are more human.
I Wish
Something about winning a photography competition.
I’m Very Short Sighted Okay
I dream that a famous photographer is scolding me for using the LCD screen on my camera instead of the viewfinder, and it’s stressing me out a lot.
I Wish
I dream that I came in second at a photography contest, everybody is complimenting me and I feel very accomplished. Before going back home I stop at the beach, it’s dark and the moon just shines over the water. I strip naked and walk into the sea, I close my eyes for a while and just relax.
Boy I Do Not Like Religion
I dream that I’m forced to receive confirmation in church; again, I might add, since I did already received it as a teen. I wear a white smock that I’m hiding under my coat, embarrassed. There are photographers in front of the church, taking pictures of kids on their special day. I avoid eye contact with them.
Church is full and I find a seat in the back; I’m still wearing my coat and I hope nobody notices me. I sit there for maybe a minute, listening to the choir singing, before deciding this is utterly wrong and fleeing the scene. When I get to the door I glance behind me and see my father’s face going from shock to anger. The photographers try to stop me, I show them the middle finger.
Back at home I’m totally alone. From the next apartment the old au pair is talking on the phone; I wonder why she came back, now that the old man is dead. My family eventually comes back from church. They are engaged at me, especially my aunt. Don’t I realize the blasphemy I just caused?! I can only laugh at her angry face, because I honestly, honestly do not care.
Picture Anxiety
I dream that I overslept and missed work. In the afternoon I go see Boss Lady in her office, pleading for forgiveness. She shows me her address book, where she wrote “FIRED” in big underlined letters. I beg for a second chance, she gives me the book and instruct to copy all her contacts with a fountain pen. My handwriting is absolutely atrocious.
She gives me a second task, I am to go in town and take selfies for a store ad. I step in a clothing store, thinking I should look a little more fashionable, but girly clothes make me uncomfortable. I also consider dying my hair salmon pink, but I feel too ugly even for that.
I decide I’ll just take the picture, even though it’s cloudy and I’m wearing boring gray clothes. I’ll sit in front of a marble wall and look up, smiling. I ask a man to take the picture, and he’s apparently a “pro” because he wants me to look more dynamic to “sell the product”. He instructs me to jump, shoots on his vintage camera and the flash explodes, sending an electrical current down the street.
Two Scenes
I dream that I’m in line in front of a store, waiting to go in. I’m standing a bit on the side, and when it’s my turn and I step ahead people get angry at me because they think I just arrived.
I protest that I’ve been there the whole time. I ask a blond guy, doesn’t he remember me?
He doesn’t. I have to go back at the end of the line.
Then I dream that I’m chatting with a red-haired girl. She’s a bit chubby and really pretty. It’s night and we are sitting somewhere in a town made of brown stone.
I ask her if I can take her picture, she’s a bit shy but she says yes. The photo turns out pale and out of focus, her nose is gone, her eyes are wide and she looks like a fish.
Wishing To Be Part Of Something.
There’s a group of people taking professional nighttime pictures. I open a gate for them so they can work in a cool urban courtyard, but I don’t stay even though I love photography and I wish so much I could be part of this. In the corner of my eyes I can see their flashes bursting.
I go home and watch a Harry Potter movie. Umbridge is in it, and so unpleasant she actually materializes on my couch and starts bullying my sister and I.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 