I’m at school and it’s raining, I have a borrowed umbrella. My old crush, L., is fighting over me with another boy, the rest of the kids hate me because I’m always skipping class.
There is a man missing, an old friend of my dad. I set out with L. to go look for him, we eventually learn he was kidnapped and held in a stationary store’s basement. The store owners chase us, I run to the rooftops and find a knife; I use the knife to stab them and drive them away.
I then apparently forget all about the kidnapped man until the day after, when I tell my dad to go collect him at the store.
My underwear is soaked in blood. I don’t want anyone to know, so I wash it in the sink. I don’t know how to dry it, I need to hide it.
In the living room my parents and siblings are gathered together, laughing. It’s raining outside. I need to go to school, but my mom asks me to go grocery shopping; sure, I’ll just skip school today, I don’t care.
Dad is upset hearing this. I tell him I don’t want to go to school anymore, I want to get a job, but he’s worried we’ll be in debt. No we won’t, I tell him, remember last year when I was doing both high school and college? Rules are stupid.
Mom is of course taking his side. I’m so angry at her, I grab and shake her. Why don’t you ever listen to me?! I say. She smiles a wry smile and doesn’t look at me. She’s small now, the size of a cat, and I lift her up and keep shaking. Why don’t you love me?! I yell. Why don’t you care about me?!
It’s raining as I walk home from high school. I’m wearing bell bottom jeansand (just like during my actual high school days!) the hems got all wet and muddy. Chatting along with me there’s my old classmate M., a bony girl with freckles and bovine eyes; she can’t believe we are already seniors and our school days are almost over, do I know what I’m gonna do next? Yes, I’m gonna apply to [IRL store I work at] and, I brag, I’ll have to work until 7:30 P.M. She says she’s gonna get off even later and I’m jealous, she’s always been smarter than me!
After lunch I get restless, I’m already late for my old philosophy teacher’s class, why do I always miss it? What if he never lets me graduate?! I go to pee on the balcony (it’s raining and everything is already wet so, I figure, why not?) and run off, but halfway to the school I once again remember that I’m an adult with a job and I don’t have to worry about graduating anymore.
I decide to go shopping with Gran instead. As usual, there’s too many people inside the supermarket and nobody is wearing a mask, I’m really concerned about Gran’s safety, so I drag her outside as it starts drizzling again. She’s carrying a plastic bag with a pink pullover inside, there is no place to store it though, so she hangs it from a branch that’s leafless and skeletal against the gray sky. I’m afraid somebody is gonna steal the bag and when she’s not looking I take it and bring it home, for safekeeping.
Even though all restaurants are closed, my dad has heard of a place where you can get fish takeaway. All the family piles up in our small car and we pass around the paper where dad has scribbled down the menu, my pick is roasted prawns. We arrive just in time for dinner, in the dark we can see a truly long line of people standing too close to each other: it’s dangerous, but the air smells so good and we all get in line anyway. A red-haired woman is talking and laughing with a friend, she’s a too close to my face and I yell at her. While I’m busy arguing my family has forgotten all about me and is already eating.
We drive back home and now my aunt V. (rest in peace) is with us. It’s a simple conversation, something about how good I am with tweezers, but it feels lonely and bittersweet.
We arrive home and now they are planning to take my sister out for desserts, I want to join but my parents say it’s too risky. I go out on my own, it’s raining and all the stores are deserted. I feel guilty about not wearing a face mask, but I want to get some exercise so I start running up and down a crosswalk, ignoring the traffic lights because there is not a soul around.
I’m watching Star Wars on TV. Darth Vader is on screen, he is not wearing his armor and his flesh is red, burned and bleeding. He removes his helmet too, we see two big eyes, long eyelashes and eyebrows wincing in pain. I realize he’s actually played by Hayden Christensen, I don’t know how they convinced him to come back! Even weirder, he’s wearing a black wig that makes him look like Snape or Kylo Ren. He yells in pain and anger, and a stormtrooper runs over to help.
Now I’m watching the latest Critical Role episode. The battles are beautifully animated with the same style as Gorillaz’s videos. The episode ends with Nott being teleported away, and Matt says goodbye because the show is quarantined like everything else.
I try to go back home, but it’s raining now and there are too many people out and about, I realize with horror. Why aren’t they all in lockdown?! We are all gonna get sick! I decide to hold my breath and try desperately not to touch my face until I’m out of the crowd. A woman tries to grab me by the hand to beg for money, and I run away.
I end up at the store, my boss’ boss is there. She wants to know if I prepared the list she asked me to, I lie and say it’s on my tablet. I’m saved from further embarrassment by my dad, who burst in waving a piece of paper with a credit card glued on it: the government has sent me money, to make up for the fact that I’ll be quarantined at home for months. There are 750 bucks on the credit card, and I’m really excited because I’ll be able to buy myself a new computer now.
There’s a young woman walking on a frozen river. She is holding a wrapped box, inside there is a chocolate heart. A group of guys have ruined the heart, walked over it and left a big footprint. Now they’re sitting in their car, which is also on the frozen river, and mocking her.
The woman smiles at them, open the box and eats a piece of the chocolate heart with the footprint on it. She offers them a bite too, and there’s an evil glint in her eyes. They look scared now.
A customer at the store has refused to pay me 15 bucks. I go to her house, sit in her living room, drink a tea with her and explain that she’s stealing those money from my paycheck. She’s very sorry about it, she doesn’t have any money but offers me a tube of toothpaste and a big honey jar instead. Later that night, my boss sees the honey on her desk and is very impressed: it’s apparently super expensive.
I’m at home but it’s not my IRL home, the tiles in the bathroom are dark and the toilet is bright yellow, with a big splash of water coming from the side and landing gracefully inside the hole.
I leave for work, drive for a bit but then remember I don’t have a license and switch to a bicycle. Once arrived, my cousin invites me to come along for a trip with her friends. I accept, but not very enthusiastically.
We visit a city in Tuscany where it’s pouring rain, I have a big umbrella with me but it’s broken. We go to the train station in the evening, but we’ve already ran out of money and all the trains have been cancelled. We have to wait for someone to collect us, and eventually end up in front of a police captain: she’s sitting behind her desk sipping a glass of red wine, has Jessica Fletcher hair and a really rude attitude.
One of the girls in the group asks me if I slept at all, because we (platonically) shared a bed and she says I elbowed her all night. I say I definitely slept, and to prove it I tell her what I dreamed about:
Rebel Wilson gave me some toothpaste and a jar of honey.
I decide to go back home, because I don’t want to miss any more work. And just like that I’m sitting on my parents’ living room floor; they haven’t noticed me yet.
My uncle D. rings the doorbell, I open the door and see him in the hallway, standing next to a short man with glasses. He’s our trip organizer, I’m furious with him because we finished all the money on our first day! He promises his math was sound, takes out a beautiful artbook and start scribbling numbers on the illustrated pages with two brush pens, one black and one white, but he’s pressing too hard and ruining the nips. I get even angrier because he’s spending money on expensive stationary without even knowing how to use it.
I’m late for school. Did I even go to school at all this past week?! I can’t remember, but I have the awful feeling the answer is no.
I’m running through town, it’s April but I’m wearing a t-shirt that says “Happy Summer!”, decorated with lemons. The sky is heavy and gray, like it’s about to rain. There’s a market in town, I think it’s odd because it’s not a Tuesday. Even though I’m late, I stop at a stand that sells notebooks to take a look; they are all a bit wrinkled, like they’ve been rained upon.
I suddenly realize I’m an adult and not in school anymore, I need to go to the vet clinic instead!* I can’t remember when my shift starts though, I rush back home and ask my dad. He doesn’t remember either. I missed work for the past two days, I can’t miss today too! Maybe if I told them I was at school instead. It’s an easy mistake to make, I’m sure they’ll understand.
No, I realize with even more panic, I don’t work at the clinic anymore, I need to go to the phone store instead!! But I don’t know the way, and it’s so late, and I don’t even have my coworker’s number.
I look down from the living room window, the tarmac outside is wet and muddy, looks like a scene after a big flood. There are dozens of little creatures on the ground; some look dead, some fish are floundering wildly, out of oxygen. As I watch it starts raining, and one by one the little animals wake up and scutter away, including the ones I thought were dead, alongside the fish I see turtles, frogs, even an axolotl with its big smile. The last thing I see is a cat running away with a little mouse on its back.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 