Useless Player, Useless Friend

Posted on February 4, 2020February 4, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

I’m part of the Critical Role cast, but during the show all I do is smile and sit in silence. Who did I play again, Beauregard? No, that’s not right. I feel guilty, I’m sure I could never live to my character’s full potential, so I write to Dani Carr that I want to quit. She’s vehemently opposed to it, she points out that I look like I’m having a lot of fun during every game,

and that’s all that matters.

I suddenly remember, I’m not part of the regular cast at all, I just guest starred in a few episodes*! I’m playing a little girl with a brown bush of hair and ice blue eyes, who is really an adult under a curse.

My penpal C. has come to visit once again, I feel guilty because I never exchange the favor. In my defense, I’m afraid of planes! We share a pizza in the park, but I’m afraid it’s not glamorous enough and she’ll get bored of me.

C. now looks like my cousin and speaks my language perfectly, but she’s still herself. I’m supposed to go to school but I also want to do something fun with her; besides, I’m an adult with a job and it’s not like I need school anymore, right?

Dad suggests we could drive to the beach. Sure, it’s getting dark outside, but we could still get an ice cream and take a stroll by the water under the moonlight. I run to get dressed but my shoes are missing once again. I look through the shoe rack and find a pair of Nike Air worn out like mine except they are olive green. I guess they’ll have to do.

*I actually dreamed about guest starring a couple months ago. Dreamception!

A Gaggle of Supermarkets

Posted on January 30, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

This is a recurring dream: IRL there are only three supermarkets in my town, all from the same big chain, and it drives me crazy because there’s no variety in the food and prices.

In tonight’s dream there are even more, infuriatingly identical, stores, all in the same neighborhood and at a walking distance from each other. To add insult to injury, I work inside one of the stores along with my cousin G. She tells me it doesn’t matter which store I choose to work in each morning, nobody seems to care as long as I wear my red employee jacket.

Mom needs a new phone, it’s time to scout each of these stores to find the perfect one. I team up with my cousin and sister: our first location is the supermarket where I supposedly work every day, it’s small, crowded, messy and smells rather bad. The second supermarket is larger, cleaner, airy, it has barely any people in it. Feels like paradise and I’m jealous.

We visit all the stores but come up empty handed; there is no trace of Mom’s perfect phone. Dejected, we stop to buy some consolatory ice cream. Inside the parlor we meet an employee from the big, clean supermarket, she’s wearing an aqua uniform and works at the bread counter. She looks plump, healthy and relaxed, she tells us she’s on an ice cream break because nobody ever visits her store. I’me even more jealous.

Mom decides we’re gonna buy the phone out of town. Dad is pouting on the couch with his comfiest hoodie on, he categorically refuses to drive us anywhere. I’m outraged. I tell him with tears in my eyes that it’s Sunday, and Sunday is my only chance in the whole long week to go for a little trip. He finally agrees. My parents go to the car, I want to follow but I’m not wearing any shoes. The one pair I can find is too small, I try frantically to put them on, give up and run down the stairs with my heels pocking out from the shoes.

Late, Lost and Unkissed

Posted on January 25, 2020January 25, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

Dad and I are watching a movie. It’s very experimental, during the opening credits we see the landscape running away as if it was filmed from a car, from a window here and a tree there certain images or words pop up, conveying a dreamy, hopeful mood. Dad is impressed and asks me if I ever saw anything like it. I say no.

The movie begins properly and we are both taken aback to discover it’s not recent, but a vintage one with Sophia Loren speaking a passable English. The scene is set on my house’s balcony and neither of us question that.

My penpal C. has come to visit, but every time I turn my back or move to another room I forget what she looks like, I keep needing to go check again. Eventually I learn that she has short blonde hair and a bit of a plain face (nothing like IRL C.): she looks like a less attractive Saoirse Ronan, but I’m not that pretty either so I think we’re reasonably well-matched. I want to impress her, so I tell her my family has an acting tradition; why, even Sophia Loren filmed in this house! C. likes acting, I reason, hopefully she’ll want to marry me and take my genes, even though we’re both girls and that’s not how it works.

I’m late for school! As I look for my coat she protests out loud. I need to go to these classes, I explain, or I’ll have to repeat the year come September. Her mom is now in the room with us, sitting in an armchair and talking about boys, oblivious to what’s happening. C. gets really, really close and pins me to a wall, I feel her warm breath as she asks me,

“Remember what we did to that donut last year?”

I whisper yes, she asks if I’d like to do that again. “Yes,” I say trembling,”if you want to.” She’s about to kiss me, when I wake up.

I fall asleep again and dream the same dream. Now I’m running to get to school in time, I have to attend at least 70% of my classes and I’m not about to skip them this afternoon. When I arrive though, I realize with horror I’m not in my usual class with the boring philosophy professor, I went to work instead! Except work is a greenhouse miles from where I’m supposed to be, and what’s worse, I’m not wearing any shoes.

Two friends come to the rescue, they are two young men. I get in their car and one of them borrows me his shoes, because we are the same size, don’t I know? I congratulate myself, I’m so smart for remembering such a crucial detail, my narrative skills are on point even when I’m dreaming. We are showed a flashback where the friend buys me a pair of cool shoes, yellow and blue.

The car crosses a bridge, I notice racists graffiti on the walls. I look at the time, it’s almost six and I only have one hour left to not completely waste my evening. Unless… unless I was actually in a coma, in a tank full of red water and electric eels, and I never left the house. I missed school, I’ll never graduate now.

Bread and Science

Posted on January 16, 2020January 19, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

My sister is being insufferable as always, to shut her up I turn her into a cat. And not just any cat, but my very own black, grumpy kitten. I put this creature that is both my sister and my cat in her carrier (she bites me through the bars) and bring her to the vet.

I meet my friend F. there, he tells me it’s not much, but he put some free menstrual pads aside for me. I thank him warmly. As I’m sitting in the waiting room though, two men steal my pads. I confront them with all my wit and sarcasm and humiliate them into giving my pads back.

My breakfast toasts are wrong: instead of mozzarella, they are filled with slices of pale, unripe pumpkin . There’s also a bread roll on the table, it has peanut butter sticks inside; my brother grabs it and takes a bite, I yell because the sticks are actually cat food, but it’s too late, he has eaten the bread.

It’s time to walk to school! I’m running through a meadow because I’m late. On my way I meet two unnamed voice actors and their dog, I explain to them I’m going to “phone school“.* I finally reach the building and it’s not my IRL High School: it’s a ~technical school that I apparently decided to transfer to. Inside there is a massively high ceiling and a lot of stairs moving and intertwining, a bit like Hogwarts but much more airy and modern.

My class is in the upmost right corner, I hurry up the stairs and I’m very relieved to realize I’m only five minutes late. The teacher pops his head from the door, he’s my usual philosophy prof but there’s something different this time: he has a big smile, like he’s enjoying himself, for once. He gives me a pair of scissors and tasks me with cutting out the tags from his sweater. But wait, all my classmates are teenagers, I realize with a sudden jolt. I’m an adult in my 30s! How am I supposed to get along with them!?

Back home, I boot up The Sims. Since I have all the expansion packs, I find some oriental clothes and objects. I create two Sims, an old Chinese woman and her daughter, give them musical instruments, and listen to them playing in the snow for a while.

*My new job is indeed at a phone store, but of course I’d still be stuck in high school in some way.

Classroom Ballerinas

Posted on January 10, 2020March 12, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

I’m in high school, we need computers but the only available ones are in a classrooms already being used. The teacher bring us there anyway, there are only four PCs and we all huddle around them. The kids already there are actually practicing ballet, how artistic of my school. They are all dressed in pink, boys too, working at their barres. They are quite talented and motivated, I want to take pictures of them but my phone has caught some sort of virus, there are ads all over the lock screen and it keeps ringing randomly.

*(Photo by Gez Xavier Mansfield on Unsplash )*

Meanwhile my classmates are just playing around with the computers, and the teacher (my actual English teacher from back then, hey Mrs. L.!) is at her desk chatting with a colleague and smoking a cigarette.

Little Little Women

Posted on January 5, 2020January 19, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

A recurring dream: I’m at school, usually high school, and still have to graduate. It’s been years and I’m stuck here, failing my finals every time and having to go back. Often I’m sitting in my old philosophy teacher’s class, but in my dreams he teaches something even more horrid, like math or biology. I’m always unprepared, always didn’t study, always have skipped classes and don’t know how to catch up. Today’s dream is no different, I’m sitting at my desk but I don’t even know where on the textbook we’re at, I’m hoping and praying that the teacher won’t ask me questions. Suddenly a thought occurs to me: I’m starting my new job soon!* How can I go to school if I’m supposed to be at work every morning? Does this mean…? Dare I hope? I run to my mom and ask her if I’m allowed to quit school, at long last.

Another dream: I’m sitting in a little Victorian living room, I am Jo March from Little Women. I’m entertaining guests with my sisters, there’s two gentlemen for now but we’re waiting for a friend of Meg’s to come by, we’re told she’s a very sweet young lady. She arrives just as Beth is sitting at the piano singing an Ave Maria with her beautiful soprano voice. I think to myself it’s pretty cinematic and we’re gonna make a great impression. The guest enters the room and Amy –as played by a young Kirsten Dust– does a little double take and exclaims, “And who are you supposed to be?!” It’s very funny and endearing.

We all go out to the yard where the gentlemen strike a conversation with Netflix’s Lucifer. The two are gushing about something awful, like slave trade. Lucifer punishes us all by shrinking down the whole party to half our size. Baffled, Amy picks up a red leaf from the ground, it’s bigger than her hand now.

Meg and I leave to find a cure, accompanied by our butler, who’s a posh Brit with a white mustache. We are so small the three of us look like children walking down the street. We reach my IRL neighborhood and sneak in the local kindergarten, the rooms inside are covered wall to wall and floor to ceiling with blue porcelain tiles. We leave from the window, and there’s a cackle of hyenas waiting for us outside! We grab our batons and flame throwers and get ready for the fight.

*I am starting a new job on Thursday.

Dangerous Slopes

Posted on January 3, 2020January 19, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

I can’t remember much today. I think I was part of a group of people, and we were riding BMX bikes in town.

We come across a giant water slide (a bit of a recurring dream of mine) and I wonder if I can jump it with my bike. I do just so, get to the other side, and there’s a girl there attacking someone…? And I throw her to the ground and hold her in a leg lock. She tells me I’m a virgin and therefore I have no power over her, but I ignore it and keep her pinned to the ground.

Of Monsters and Relatives

Posted on January 1, 2020January 19, 2020 by Decade Dream Journal

My first dream of 2020 is a recurring one. I meet my least favorite relatives, Aunt T. and her husband, Uncle F.: they’re bigoted, obnoxious, judgy and loud, they scare me so much I get out of my way to avoid them. In my dreams, though, I always snap like a wounded animal, covering them with vicious insults, spelling out just how much I despise them. I never have the guts to do that IRL.

The second dream is about a Disney-themed water park. Every attraction is rather original, the one I remember best is set in the The Little Mermaid kitchen where Sebastian got almost cooked. The pool is literally just a giant kitchen sink full of dish soap.

As I go through the rides I realize my main objective is to slain a monster, a giant sea monster that lives in a cave. There’s a woman with me, she’s a harsh-faced lady with long black hair. Now I cannot tell who she was supposed to be, I just remember her unpleasant personality, a bit like my mother’s.

We have obtained a powerful weapon: it’s an animal’s giant nail, yellow, big and round like a satellite dish. It’s clear to me that we have to sneak inside the cave and take the monster by surprise. He’s not gonna see us coming until it’s too late, just like Saurun when the Hobbits reached Mount Doom. I order the woman to not touch the nail we’re carrying, because if she touches it the monster will know we’re here. The woman thinks she knows better (just like my mother) and scratches on the nail. The monster comes for us.

DECADE DREAM JOURNAL