Catching Up

I dream that I’m watching a movie with Brad Pitt. He shrinks into weirder and less intelligent little creatures, looking like those ugly gargoyles on top of medieval churches. He gets tiny and bony with long limbs, and he moves around rolling. Eventually he turns into a long thing with short legs, similar to a dachshund, with tiny wings on his back. “I’ve regressed back into my purest form: I’m now an angel,” he says, and flies away.


I dream that I have three feet, two of them facing opposite sides at the end of my right leg. It suddenly occurs to me that this isn’t normal and most people only have two feet. I go to God and explain him the situation. He sends me to the Divine Supermarket, I check through the isles and pick up the Toothpaste of Sexual Prowess, then put it back; it’s not gonna help me, nothing here can. Eventually mi sister cures me with phoenix juice.


I dream that my sister is leaving for a fancy foreign school and needs a place to spend the night before boarding her plane. We look into renting a Lego house: this is not a regular sized house made of Legos, but a tiny toy house that she will fit in somehow. We contact a guy but the price for his Legos are really inflated, so I decide to just lend her my old toy house instead.

That night we are celebrating at a food stall, the cook immediately recognizes us as the cheapskates that didn’t rent his Legos. A fight ensue and we are all arrested. Now we are a family of redheads at the police station, our mom is a Mediterranean-looking woman who can slow time, but just for a little bit. We are tasked with searching tokens and puzzle pieces around the room, if we can complete the puzzle we’ll go back to yesterday before being arrested. The stakes are high and we’re all sweating and panicking, but we complete the puzzle just seconds before the guards arrive!

Hey, At Least School Is Over

I dream that it’s the last day of school, I stay behind with a visiting student from West Asia; his name is Ana and he’s really sweet, I feel we have a connection. We watch several Person of Interest episodes until he says it’s time for him to take a plane and leave. I give him a book about the history of religions as a partying gift.

I want to go home too but there’s unrest in the streets, guerrilla fighting and things are on fire. Some boys shoot and miss with a sniper rifle from a balcony, they’re giggling. It’s pouring rain.

Boy I Do Not Like Religion

I dream that I’m forced to receive confirmation in church; again, I might add, since I did already received it as a teen. I wear a white smock that I’m hiding under my coat, embarrassed. There are photographers in front of the church, taking pictures of kids on their special day. I avoid eye contact with them.

Church is full and I find a seat in the back; I’m still wearing my coat and I hope nobody notices me. I sit there for maybe a minute, listening to the choir singing, before deciding this is utterly wrong and fleeing the scene. When I get to the door I glance behind me and see my father’s face going from shock to anger. The photographers try to stop me, I show them the middle finger.

Back at home I’m totally alone. From the next apartment the old au pair is talking on the phone; I wonder why she came back, now that the old man is dead. My family eventually comes back from church. They are engaged at me, especially my aunt. Don’t I realize the blasphemy I just caused?! I can only laugh at her angry face, because I honestly, honestly do not care.

Circus Cats and Violent Delegates

I dream that I’m looking into colleges for when I finish high school. At the same time I’m also my current adult self, so I end up choosing a psychology degree, because it’ll help with my retail job, somehow?? I guess customers do be crazy.

At the same time I’m looking into buying a car, I select an old gray Citroën, extremely boring but it somehow only costs 400 bucks. I can’t even drive but that’s not gonna stop me! I lie in the back seat and smile and smile.

I go home and I find a dozen cats, most of them black. My own cat is conspicuously missing. All the cats are wearing circus clothes. I go fill the bathtub (it’s plastic, transparent blue), they all follow me and jump in the water. I start brushing them with soap and they all look very satisfied, like they’ve been trained for this. There is a white cat with a bleeding injury on her shoulder, and a gray tabby with his legs missing. There also a talking toy astronaut.

Afterward I’m walking home from school and decide to visit the local catholic church. I haven’t been inside the building in years and I don’t like religious institutions on principle, but here I go, and the church is packed so I have to sit on the marble steps.

A bearded man stood up and is now giving a speech a few seats from me. Another guy (I recognize him, it’s a local politician) attacks him, a fist fight ensues. I’m enjoying this more than I can say, these religious types and their hypocrisy! The politician notices I’m chuckling ant attacks me too, scratches my face. I say I’m just an innocent schoolgirl! I’m not though, I’m in my 30s, there’s blood pouring down my face and I’m still laughing.

A Bit of Nonsense Before the Alarm Rings

I dream that my penpal C is texting me all excited because she thinks I converted to Islam, I don’t know how to tell her I’m a catholic (note: I’m very much an atheist in real life). Her texts are appearing to me on the label of the water bottle I’m drinking. I take a sip and realize it’s wine. I try to throw up, I can’t.

I get outside. It’s cloudy and the trees are blooming, it looks like March instead of June. A young man runs past me wearing red robes and holding a broomstick; he’s going to a nearby park to play a mock Quidditch game. I want to follow him, but it’s Monday and I need to go to work instead.

Blood, Fire and Disappointment

Note: the man I’m gonna write about today is a rather famous person who I admire very much. I’d hate for him to accidentally find this dream where some terrible stuff happens to his actual family, I was even tempted to not record it at all. In the end I decided to leave his name out, just in case.


I’m watching a live stream. In it a man is driving a car and at the same time recording a vlog with his wife and children. A terrible accident happens, an explosion. We see the younger child, no more than a toddler, buried by rock and debris, his face burnt and bloody. The older brother is also badly burned. The father looks into the phone camera he’s recording with, his face covered in soot and deadly scared, and tells the audience he’s gonna run for help.

The day goes by slowly, I keep thinking about the accident, wondering what happened, checking Twitter for updates. Finally the man tweets something. A Christian prayer, and then a picture of his younger son with a heartbreaking epitaph. I’m not surprised, the child was badly hurt. But where is the brother?

The live stream starts again, we are showed the other child. His black t-shirt and jeans are burned, it’s night and he’s walking alone into a drive-in restaurant. Inside, standing under neon lights on the shiny floor tiles, there’s no other than Emperor Palpatine. He tries to turn the child to the dark side, but gets stabbed in return: the boy killed him!

People on the Internet rejoice at seeing the boy alive and well, but I’m growing suspicious. The car accident, the fight with Palpatine, it all looked kind of… staged, produced even. Was it all a lie? An excuse for this boy get away with murder? Did the father even got as far as sacrificing his own younger child to get the older one to succeed? I feel shaken.


Another quick dream, because I slept in this Sunday morning.

I notice at the supermarket colorful cardboard boxes on a shelf. I look closer and see pictured on the boxes a set of vintage 90s mugs, just like the ones I used to have breakfast in as a kid! I buy three, one with Chip ‘n Dale, one with Mickey and Donald, and one with Tony the Tiger.

I run home all excited, I want to show them to my sister. She’s sitting on the toilet but doesn’t seem to mind. We open a box and we are immediately overwhelmed by the smell of artificial chocolate, it’s really bad. There are no functional mugs inside, just three plastic replicas with Styrofoam cereal in it. They are cute and colorful, but quite useless.