I start with some recurring stuff, my sister coming home and high school finals. After that, I dream that that I go to a party in a large restaurant, full of elegant people sitting at tables with white tablecloths. I’m a young girl, I’m sitting with three other kids, one of them is a boy with curly hair.
The people at the table next to us are having an unpleasant, quite racist conversation. The curly-haired boy steals a pen drive from one of them, a wealthy-looking man. He quickly unlocks the pen drive with the right password: the man is his father, the boy explain, and now we’ll have to run away from him.
We hide in the garage belonging to one of the adults. My face has turned orange, because our pursues have cast a spell on me. The boy rummages around and finds a box full of colorful wands. “Aren’t they German?” one of the other kids asks. No, the boy says, Germans all go to that fancy European magic school. Everyone gets a wand and we cast a spell to fly away, I remember the green fields running below us just before waking up.
I dream that I’m working at the new store, the one above our regular store that I dreamed about last week. I’ve always wondered, when something seems familiar, is it because I’ve legit dreamed about if before or is it just my mind playing tricks? Well, now I know! This time I’m wearing a name tag on my chest that says “I’m new, please be gentle with me.” Indeed I’m so slow that my cousin kicks me out.
The next day I don’t want to go to work, I’m not even sure if they actually hired me back or if this is all just a dream. I go out with friends instead, we stop to buy pizza but the guy behind the counter seems very unhygienic, I slip away without my friends noticing. I’m hungry now and it’s night already, I stop at a restaurant that is just a series of tables under the stars. I’m very suspicious about hygienic standards, I order a simple cheese pizza (the least dangerous, I assume), it takes them ages to bring it to the table.
The next morning I’m walking home after skipping work once again, I hear someone calling me, I look up and see my neighbor C. waving at me from the attic window. I go up to her and she’s sitting at a table eating, she starts telling me all about some gossip she heard (typical!) when a goose flies in from the window, a big brown goose, rather angry. It starts honking at C.’s ear, doesn’t calm down until it’s offered some food.
I close all the doors and windows in case the goose wants to come back, then go down the stairs. I’m in a beautiful old mansion that belongs to my grandfather. It used to be in ruins when I was a kid, now my uncle has renovated and it’s so beautiful it looks more like a museum. I know once grandgfather dies my uncle will kick us out and I wish I could show all of this to my penpal in time, but she’s visited me just a few days ago (I DO dream about old dreams!) and it’s gonna be a while before she comes back. Maybe I’ll give her a virtual tour, once new technologies allow it.
I look at the portraits on the walls and imagine what I would say to 18th century people to explain TV screens.
It’s like a big mirror, but instead of yourself you see other people and stories. It’s connected by a series of wires that transfer electricity, it’s the stuff lighting bolts are made of.
My uncle arrives and catches me looking at his art collection. Just like grandfather, this guy isn’t one of my IRL uncles, he’s a short, balding man with glasses, and expensive suit and a nervous expression. He noticesI’m crying because I’m so moved by all these beautiful neoclassical statues, he says he cries all the time too, maybe he can get along with my siblings and I after all.
We organize a sack race so we can bond, I’m a teen girl, I have a teen brother and a toddler sister, suspiciously similar to A Series of Unfortunate Events characters. The toddler wins the race.
I hear my siblings whispering, I know they’re plotting something. They bully and gaslight me and my father joins in, so I have no choice but run away from home. I can never come back.
It’s soon lunch time and I’m hungry, I find and open diner and order pizza, I’m asked to sit in a corner because of social distancing measures. The owner rolls her eyes at my pizza and says next time I should order a proper meal; I feel humiliated.
I call my therapist because I badly need some help, the voicemail says I’ll find her at the local park after 6 P.M., sitting in a plexiglass box for, you guessed it, social distancing. But at this point I can’t even remember what I was mad about, and I go back home.
My sister and cousin are forcing me to compete in a quiz show, filming takes place in a basement several floors below a local supermarket. We are brought to a room where a bunch of girls are getting ready, putting their makeup on etc. My sister teases me for never wearing makeup, she says I’m insecure and a coward.
I decide I’m not gonna compete after all, I walk in the middle of the room and announce to everyone that I’m quitting. The producers are saying I simply can’t, I should actually be the first to go on stage, but I take the escalator and leave.
One of the producers is following me up to the ground floor, she is a pretty woman with a black bob, green clothes and triangular eyelashes. She is telling me that I could win a lot of money, don’t I want money to buy… (she looks around in the dark of the abandoned supermarket floor) a Venetian mask? I say I’m not interested.
As I walk home I’m joined by my cousin, who was kicked out of the quiz show in record time. The woman in green is still following us, she says it’s because her car is parked nearby, but she looks sad and worried and I feel guilty because maybe she’s gonna lose her job because of me. I take her by the hand (so soft!) and ask her if she would like to stop somewhere for tea. She looks me in the eyes and smile. She really is beautiful.
Even though all restaurants are closed, my dad has heard of a place where you can get fish takeaway. All the family piles up in our small car and we pass around the paper where dad has scribbled down the menu, my pick is roasted prawns. We arrive just in time for dinner, in the dark we can see a truly long line of people standing too close to each other: it’s dangerous, but the air smells so good and we all get in line anyway. A red-haired woman is talking and laughing with a friend, she’s a too close to my face and I yell at her. While I’m busy arguing my family has forgotten all about me and is already eating.
We drive back home and now my aunt V. (rest in peace) is with us. It’s a simple conversation, something about how good I am with tweezers, but it feels lonely and bittersweet.
We arrive home and now they are planning to take my sister out for desserts, I want to join but my parents say it’s too risky. I go out on my own, it’s raining and all the stores are deserted. I feel guilty about not wearing a face mask, but I want to get some exercise so I start running up and down a crosswalk, ignoring the traffic lights because there is not a soul around.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 