I dream that I’m watching a random Buffy episode. I’ve never watched one before and I’m a bit bored. Buffy is pregnant. There are two guys fighting, une cuts off the other’s arm. To reiterate, the other guy saws off his legs.
Tag: TV
Small Anxieties Adding Up
I dream that I’m trying to shower in a room full of people, I’m begging them to please, please leave or at least look the other way so I can take off my clothes. One of the people is my coworker S., he’s upset about my work performance, I guess.
Then I dream that my favorite TV couple are back together. I’m so happy, and yet even in my subconscious I know it’s too good to be true, I scroll down twitter to find any news about it. There is none.
Maybe Gravity Falls?
I dream that I’m about to watch a cartoon season finale, the writing hasn’t been good lately but this episode seems to have great reviews.
It’s revealed that the kind, round-faced sheriff has been the villain (a terrifying demon) in disguise all along. The Doctor, Rory and Amy Pond chase him down the rapids using a quilted canoe that somehow stays afloat. And I’m also there, I suppose, looking forward to the confrontation.
We reach a small island in the heart of the swamp dominated by a tree with giant roots. The villain quizzes us, he seems rather calm and charming. What’s next, I ask excitedly after I answer his questions. More quizzes? Fisticuffs?
He takes me back to my house, tells me to jump over the balcony to my neighbor’s kitchen. I’m afraid, but he promises he’ll catch me if I fall. In the kitchen I find my neighbor and her sister, I immediately get mad at them (and the sister was an old lady who recently died IRL, what the hell, brain?!) I accuse them of always criticizing my weight and my looks and my life choices. I’m still yelling when the alarm rings, and for a few moments I’m utterly confused.
Starts Very Typical, Goes a Tad Weird
I dream that I’m walking to school and it’s raining. I stop to buy some ham. If the dream wasn’t recurring enough, there are two identical supermarkets in the same town area. All I’m worried about is my ham melting because it’s too hot outside.
I come across a Christmas parade, I’m upset and I tell them it’s July! They accuse me of lacking Christmas spirit. I say,
I do have Christmas spirit. In December!
I walk past a crepes stand. My cousin takes me to a huge party in a nearby house, it’s too damn loud and I immediately nope out of it. Cousin is upset.
I go back home and watch a Doctor Who episode with my mom, who is apparently a Michelle Gomez fan. Then we watch Derry Girls, it’s an episode where they ice skate like their idol, Tonya Harding. A little boy falls in love with James and is stalking him.
A Sweet Filipino Boy
I dream that I’m walking through a park at night, when a young man starts following me. I’m spooked and start walking faster, he pleads for me to stop in a sad, sad voice.
He follows me all the way home, and in the hallway light I can see that he’s crying. I ask him where he’s from. He says he’s Filipino and so far away from home. He’s so lonely and he just wanted to talk to a fellow Asian, he thought I had a nice face.
I introduce him to my parents and they are opposed to have a stranger at home, but I explain his story and they’re soon moved to tears. Except… they are not my parents and this is not my home. I’m not there at all, I’m watching the whole thing happen on my TV. It’s a TV series!
And guess what, the boy and the girl fall in love. I never find out how the story ends because my mother (my real mother, this time) thinks the show is too racy and turns the TV off.
Sorry, Suranne!
I dream that I’m watching Suranne Jones on TV and out of curiosity I look up her age. Google says she’s 71, and I think that’s not true, that can’t be true. I look up again and she was indeed born in 1948.
More than anything, I’m impressed that I got the math almost right in my dreams, I never seem to do that in real life.
Oh I Love You Mustache Girl
I dream that I’m in an arcade with the child version of my neighbor S. He’s looking up city names on a computer and the arcade owner, an old man with a kind face, asks if he’s interested in those cities’ football clubs. S. replies that no, he’s actually into train stations.
And so the old man offers to drive us to see actual trains. On the way we pick up two old women that look like regular Miss Marples. Together we sneak into a garden where a group of armed guards attack us.
We escape easily and one of the guards even join us. She’s a woman in drag with short blonde hair and a fake mustache. Now I’m watching her on… an East European TV series? It was filmed in the 2000s so all the boys have frosted tips. Mustache girl is the love interest of the only other girl in the group, but the series is canceled too soon and I never find out if they got together.
Not All Dogs Go To Heaven
I’m watching a TV show, a comedy I think, the main character is played by Steve Carell. He needs to find a certain dog, for very important reasons I assume, but the dog has died and gone to hell.
Steve Carell and his friends travel to hell, which looks like an old church turned into dog pound, perched on the side of a mountain cliff. Steve is sad, but he promises he’s gonna be okay as long as he sees no dogs suffering. The (rather normal looking) demon lady who guards hell says she can work with that, and has the group wait outside for a few minutes.
The group walks through some long corridors. They see an ugly man asleep on a pillow, his face red and wrinkly: the demon lady explains he’s actually a pug they transfigured to not upset Steve Carell. He has walked ahead and they hear his panicked voice yelling,
Guys, I’ve already seen three dogs!!
They reach a room bathed in beautiful sunlight, inside there’s a Golden Retriever with a kind face; he sings a mournful song about having nibbled and peed where he shouldn’t have, like a real naughty boy. Steve Carell is crying, and the dog hugs him. I notice the animal is looking to the side, no doubt to his handler with a treat ready for him. What a good actor, I say to myself, and what a good boy!
International Travel
I’m in Venice with my cousin and we come across Tessa Thompson. I recognize her immediately but I don’t want to look like a crazy fan, so I just yell from across the street, “You were incredibile in the last Westworld episode!!” She smiles and signals to get closer, then she rummages through her car trunk (a car in Venice, yeah, I know) and gives us both caps with the American flag and her autograph on post-its.
Somehow from Venice we arrive at my building, my estranged cousin S. is in the parking lot looking at stray cats, she remembers all the cats’ names even though she hasn’t been at my place since childhood. I go up to my apartment and my dad is on the couch watching soccer, Italy VS France. I tell him it’s a replay, there are too many people on those bleachers and we are supposed to be social distancing, remember? He’s disappointed.
I fly to visit my penpal C., and my sister is with me this time; we meet all her parents and grandparents, she somehow seems to have too many. It’s already late at night and we’re trying to make as little noise as we can, my sister heads the bathroom and I whisper to hurry up, because it’s already 4 and everybody needs to go. I sit next to C. and we hold hands and watch the stars; an hour passes and we realize my sister is still in the bathroom, we go check and she’s fallen asleep. I gently pick her up and carry her to the bed.
Nonsense Potter
I’m watching a new Harry Potter TV adaptation, the actors are adults pretending to be children and the whole thing is rather irreverent.
In the episode I’m watching Harry wants to travel to a parallel world Hogwarts, so he transfigures himself into a woman to play an excellent prank on the other students. Now he has blue hair, tattoos and a fake tan; he shows his breasts proudly to Ron, and Hermione has to remind him he’s supposed to be eleven. Female Harry is a success at parallel Hogwarts, all the boys and even a few girls fall in love with him. He travels back home on his motorbike, on the highway he sees flying cars and laughs gleefuly.
Another episode starts, Harry and the gang are playing outside on the Hogwarts grounds when they find a strange emblem. They rush to the library, up in the highest tower, and place the emblem on the cover of a certain book: Harry has a vision of Voldemort, sees him talking to his Death Eaters around a table in a dark room. Voldemort realizes he’s being watched and orders Snape (who is a woman) to go get the children.
They run but it’s too late, Snape is already at the library door. Dumbledore apparates in the room and whisks everyone away to safety, the whole scene lasts only a few seconds and it’s quite exciting. In the commotion Mad-Eye Moody falls off the tower and crashes next to the maze, but he doesn’t die.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 