I dream that my penpal C is texting me all excited because she thinks I converted to Islam, I don’t know how to tell her I’m a catholic (note: I’m very much an atheist in real life). Her texts are appearing to me on the label of the water bottle I’m drinking. I take a sip and realize it’s wine. I try to throw up, I can’t.
I get outside. It’s cloudy and the trees are blooming, it looks like March instead of June. A young man runs past me wearing red robes and holding a broomstick; he’s going to a nearby park to play a mock Quidditch game. I want to follow him, but it’s Monday and I need to go to work instead.
I’m building a pyramid of merch to put in front of the store (like I’m supposed to IRL tomorrow morning), except it’s not phones, it’s jars of chicken broth, each one in its brown paper box. One of the jars is empty, I fill it with cheap soup from a can and run around the store looking for the box. My boss is rather annoyed about it all, she takes me to the side and reveals that she’s pregnant with twins, so she’s going home.
Now there’s a bunch of children in the store and we are supposed to learn how to take care of them. We watch “Mary Poppins and the False Gospel“, a modified version of the beloved movie set during Hanukkah. Even in the dream I surprised this thing exists.
My middle school teacher, sweet Mrs R, arrives to continue the lessons. She draws and ink a really good picture of a man riding a motorcycle, and my dad starts coloring it with brown watercolors. I’m jealous because they are both such good artists.
On my way home I kill the mayor of a small town and take his ruby ring. By killing him I gained the right to own his big old mansion, I find a nice bottle of red wine hidden inside it. I go home and find my late grandpa P. sitting at the living room table. He loves wine so I give him the bottle and he’s rather happy.
I’m at the store working with my cousin G. A tall guy walks in and start arguing with G., so I take him to the side trying to calm him down. He’s truly massive, I’m barely taller than his elbow, and his arms are bigger than a tree trunk. He’s very young though, his face looks dopey and lost. I ask him gently if he’d like to do something with his life and come work with us at the store. He says he’ll think about it.
It’s getting late and I want to go home for the night, but our boss shows up and recruits us for one last mission: turns out our store offers ninja services too! Cousin G., Boss Lady and I, dressed in black to hide in the darkness, start climbing a glass skyscraper. The two of them are very agile and I feel incompetent. A group of enemy ninjas attacks us and we fend them off with big plastic weapons.
We finally reach the top of the building and now it’s time to sneak inside the penthouse, where a big party is happening. I fill my backpack with junk food, potato chips, soda cants etc., so if I get caught I can say I was just stealing party food instead of something much more important.
The man we are looking for, a tux-wearing, Bond-esque villain, escapes on his expensive car, we chase him up the mountains. The road is curvy and snowy and I’m surprised I don’t get car sick. We reach a mountain lodge where we quickly kidnap the villain’s wife. Fjord from Critical Role joins us, he tricks the man into drinking wine spiked with tranquilizer, and we kidnap him as well. Unfortunately he’s a charming villain and our group of ninjas is soon suffering from Stockholm syndrome. Not long after, all the girls in the group are getting mani-pedis from him.
DECADE DREAM JOURNAL 